So yes I was bad all weekend long. I don't know what psycho button went off in my head, but something made me just totally disregard what my eating plan was. It's like I didn't even care. I was with my family, all of them, and I just wanted to enjoy the moment. I didn't want to bother with eating right. Which is bad in so many ways. It's my new lifestyle and I just fell back into my old life. You know what I felt like this morning? I felt like, Jim Carey from the Mask WITH the mask ON while I was there and then this morning I didn't have the mask on anymore. You wake up, look at your surroundings, and you realize SOMETHING happened but you're not sure what?!! But I did, I knew what I was doing. That voice was there scolding me but I ignored it, just like a small child throwing a tantrum in the store, the mother scolds the child and tells them "you are in SOOOOO much trouble when we get home" but that kid doesn't care and continues with the bad behaviour because they know they're already toast when they get home. Well that was me for 4 days. Well I am not gonna beat myself up more than I have already. So I move on and get over it. I think I will be back down by Wednesday. I was not SUPER bad so I think it was all that salty food (yeah that's it).
So I am doing a protein day today and have a gazillion things to do including going to the doctor now because, yes, I am STILL sick. I am actually pretty tired of typing and saying that to people. I have lost my hearing in my right ear due to the congestion in my head. I literally sound like a newly sick person and it's getting to be pretty embarrasing to continue to blow my nose after a whole month. I leave my desk now to blow my flippen nose, if that's not embarrasing what is? Well hopefully they will give me antibiotics to get rid of this monster.
The best news of it all is that my parents got saved! Whew relief!! They accepted Jesus as their Savior and now that we are going back to San Jose for Christmas (jumping up and down) I am going to work on my sisters and brother :-) Thank you Jesus!
Isn't this a good "narrow path" photo? I thought so :-) So I was going to get on here to complain about having to get a root canal today and how I probably have a sinus infection or somethin' because of this cold/cough thing I seem to have...but right before I logged on, God led me to this (can you believe it?!!):
Don't let negative circumstances crowd your memory. Choose to focus on the enjoyable and wonderful aspects of your life. What benefits can you thank God for today?
Psalms 103:2 -- Praise the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits. (NIV)
With this He showed me that I have been on my "diet" and lost 13 pounds. I think God is allowing this because once I am healthy, I will appreciate being helthy and appreicate that I can actually breathe when I am working out! I just can't wait until I am my old healthy self. No wheezing, coughing and blowing my nose while working out. I mean how great is that? So my dilema today was do I move forward with this root canal the day before Thanksgiving? My ONLY free day to eat whatever I want? I was seriously thinking about waiting, but I know I will be miserable the whole time and I want to enjoy the time with my family! THANK YOU JESUS for dying for me, giving me joy in my life and for setting me on the right path all the time!
Well I lost weight over the weekend. That's a first! Maybe it's because I can't chew anything on my left side. Since going to the dentist 2 weeks ago, it seems like I have been having pain in my mouth ever since. I don't know what they did to me! One of my molars is KILLING me! I took an 800mg Ibuprofen yesterday after church and I fell asleep for 2 hours with an ice pack on my left side of my face. I was in such pain that I actually wanted a dentist to see what the heck was going on. Well from the calls that I made to my dentist and my insurance, aparantly nobody EVER has a dental emergency on a Sunday so there I am listening to an answering service person telling me to go to the Emergency Room. For what so I can sit there for 5 hours and they can tell me I have to make an appointment with my dentist? Yeah. I took another Ibuprofen, got another ice pack and went to sleep. GREAT...now that I actually get to eat on Thursday, I probably won't cause I am sure I am gonna need a root canal or something crazy..SIGH...well see. The ONLY good thing is I am down 12.4 pounds in 2 1/2 weeks. Great job (patting myself on the back) :-)
The other day I sorta broke down a little...I just felt overwhelmed. It was weird because my house was pretty much clean, I was just going to mop and be done but all of the sudden I felt like I had to cry because I felt VERY depended on. I know I am a mom and a wife and I expect to be pulled in all directions but I was just doing too much. Plus super planning my healthy meals, their meals, cramming in my exercise.
My husband works 6 days a week about 11 hours a day so I took over many many of his house duties because I saw how dirty and tired he looked when he got home. I didn't feel right asking him to do the laundry. I sit at a desk all day and he has lost like a lot of weight becuase his job is so labor intensive. So he had been outside doing something and he walked in just as I had finished washing the mop out. I was trying to communicate these feelings I had to him and I just busted out in tears. Nothing major, just a little breakdown. He sat me down on the couch and asked me to tell him what was going on, so I told him, he just sat and listened and ever since that day he has stepped it up on the help like 1,000%. He took over his laundry duties again, he takes over the girls when he gets home, tells me to go to Curves and he does the home thing, and best of all I have been resting (as in sleeping, naps).
I figure I get up at 3am, have a 63 mile commute, I work out during lunch, drive home takes me an hour and a half, I pick up the girls from school, give Lauren a ride home, go home clean, start dinner, try and play and pay attention to Alani as much as possible, Serg gets home, we eat and it's about 8pm by this time, I shower, bathe the baby, clean up kitchen from after dinner, get to bed at 9:30. SO I AM EXAUSTED! The next day same thing, except for Wednesdays we go Soul Winning from 7pm-9pm, Thursday we have Church Services 7pm-9pm, Friday off, Saturday we have our Purpose Driven Life Study 7-9 and Sunday we are at Church from 9am-11am then 6pm-8pm. As you can tell me love God and we learn so much from all the services we attend and the PDL study. It's really a blessing but it takes a toll on you sometimes. I thank God that my husband understood where I was coming from and I am glad that I am reading "The Power of a Praying Wife" I think that God likes it when I pray for my husband and is doing great things in him. Like I always say, God is good!
This is the puppy I just got for my mom. She is a mix with a Jack Russell Terrier and Cocker spaniel. My mom gets her on Thanksgiving. She is cutie patootie. Alexis has gotten attached to her even though we told her not to. I like the dog but I can't wait to get rid of her ya know? I can't handle pets anymore. She is very low maintenance but she still annoys me so I know I can't have any pets! But I know I will have to someday for my kids...UGH!
Well I got 8 hours of sleep! I put Alani to bed at 7pm and prayed that she would STAY asleep and sleep all night...and she did thank God! She was still sick also and her eyes were droopy, so I gave her a bath and in her crib she went. She cried for about 10 minutes but 2 seconds after I said "God please let her go to sleep", it was suddenly silent! That meant that I got sleep and I feel SOOOO good. I did not go soul winning last night though. My hubby still went but I was just waaaaayyy tired, grumpy and STILL feeling sick. I need to get as much rest as possible to get better ASAP. This being sick thing is just not cutting it for me. I was running on barely 2 hours of sleep, and even those 2 hours were interrupted sleep. Earlier in the day when I came home from work I almost had a heart attack because my house was a DISASTER AREA. Like I should of put yellow crime scene tape around my house it was THAT messy. I can tell when my husband is running late in the morning cause there is stuff everywhere ya look. It took me from 4pm to about 7pm to clean it.YEP sho' did!
I did not take the time to put together a good lunch either, THEN I came in late so I had to leave late which meant I was stuck in traffic. In L.A, traffic is NO JOKE. If you leave work after 2pm, forget it, you're stuck! Is that sad or what? But ya know what? I love living here. It's just my kinda place.
Also, if someone is reading this blog, I have a question for you! If you were to die today are you 100% sure that you would go to Heaven? If you are not sure, and would like to be sure, look to the right side bar, click on "The Plan of Salvation", read it PLEASE it takes 2 minutes!!! Just read it, and from the bottom of your heart, say the prayer and I promise you, that will be the BEST thing you will EVER do! God was really pressing on my heart about putting this on because He loves you. Yes I am talking to YOU!
GUESS WHAT? I have met my 2 week goal (and a little somethin' somethin' extra)!! The scale was at 222.8 this morning. I was sorta shocked because I didn't even get to go to Curves last night BUT Laura and I walked about 2 miles - well RACE WALKING as FitDay.com calls it AND I cleaned for 3 hours. So I am happy that I met my goal, yet I don't feel as happy as I should be, ya know what I mean? I think the word might be "no satisfaction". I need to see more of a dramatic difference in myself before I can actually celebrate my weight loss. Another thing that has been on my mind is Thanksgiving eating! Actually not just that but the day after and the day after that. We are going to be at my Mom's in San Jose from Thursday to Sunday morning. But I will try to be good. Thanksgiving was supposed to be my FREE day but I am having second thoughts about that. I will have all the fixin's but I am not going to overeat like I usually do. I am planning on taking some low-fat/Low-carb side dish recipes to help keep me on track. Ok well I am getting hungry, I usually eat my breakfast right about now, yep 6am. :-)
My fixation right now is getting to my goal of 10 pounds lost by Thursday. So far I have lost 8 and need those 2 pounds in 3 days which I know I can do. I took my 30 minute walk during lunch already and now I just need to do Curves for 30 minutes and hopefully take another 20 minute walk up a steep hill by my house. I bailed out on Curves on Friday and Saturday because my husband was actually off work! But I still worked out. Not as much as I should of, but some. We ate out a few times and I tried to make the healthiest choices possible but I actually gained a pound, which was probably water weight because it's gone as of this morning. So Curves was fun, the trainer was knowledgeable, funny and I'm looking forward to going back tonight. I learned something new, if you don't stretch after a workout you can loose up to 19% of the workout. So she showed me how to stretch and how to use all the machines. So that was good...
I am finding that sometimes I have to make myself be proud of the weight I have lost so far. I just have so much to loose that I get anxious. But I have to block it all out and remember that I am meeting my SHORT TERM GOALS! I am going to have to go back and read my old posts. I just want to be thin TODAY! But I know that won't happen so I need to chill. I need to stop skipping my snacks too. I feel sorta bummed today, not sure why....I need to listen to a good sermon right about now. God always seems to lift my spirits like nobody else can! God just pointed me to this...
"My son, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you, turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding, and if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding, and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the LORD and find the knowledge of God. For the LORD gives wisdom, and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding." Proverbs 2:1-6 (NIV)
Scale reads 225.8 this morning and my hair was wet (gotta account for that ya know) so I would say I atleast had about 8 oz. of water in my hair (I have long hair) but to be on the safe side I am gonna say....I am....225.5 ~ how's that? The weight is just coming off and dream until the day where I have skinny arms and don't have to suck in my gut! I can tell that my belly is significantly shrinking as well. I would like to share my blog with more people, especially the gals from work but they won't believe that I weigh this much. I mean I am 5'10 and I guess I hide it a little better than someone that is 5 feet tall but still. Ya can't hide fatness. Really. Just when you think you look really cute in an outfit SOMEONE will bust out a picture FROM THAT DAY, and that confidence, that memory you had from that day is instantly stomped on and you feel like crap. It's sad that I have felt this low about myself for so long. I prayed that I would not turn into some conceited rag when I do loose the weight. I used to get a lot of attention when I was thin (and single) but I am happily married now and I seriously pray that I don't get to where I want to be someone that is trying to look good for other people. If I do make myself look pretty, I want to do it cause I am proud of myself.
I know that sounds like a bunch of poo but God knows that I mean it from the bottom of my heart. I think that this is something to be taken seriously. I know that women that have lost weight suddenly have the attention of men that never gave them a second glance before. So I will continue to pray as God allows me to be strong during this weight loss crusade of mine. God bless. I read this today and it was a great blessing to me.
Remember to celebrate your accomplishments, but recognize that you are the instrument of a higher power and that your spiritual needs are continuous, even when you're well. Matthew tells us:
God blesses those who realize their need for him, for the Kingdom of Heaven is given to them.–Matthew 5:3 NLT
I am so flippen excited today!!! I woke up at 3:10AM (as scheduled)and was instantly anxious to weigh myself and check if I was in Ketosis. I am down 1 more pound which is 6 pounds lost in 1 week! The bomb. God is truly helping me I tell ya. I am eating nice healthy meals, not being hungry at all, being good about snacks also. I kicked my working out into gear. I walked in the rain yesterday with my co-worker (I know not a good idea when recovering from a nasty cold/cough) I was in my workout clothes so I got outta them quickly and warmed up nicely. I made a point to walk up stairs and come back down on my way to the bathroom, and go up those same stairs before walking back to my desk. I feel like an idoit doing that sometimes but who cares, I'm the fat one.
I also finally made the committment to join Curves! They just built a brand new shopping center right by my house and I can walk there, do my 30 minute workout, walk back home and do my mom and wife thing. I have a membership to 24 Hour fitness and have a great deal but I NEVER go cause it's a little out of the way, still a little intimidating. I don't want to cancel it either so I decided to place my account on hold for 8 months (so I don't get charged) while I try out Curves. I think once I loose a lot more weight I will actually get my butt to 24-Hour Fitness. I think I will grow out of Curves by then. One of the main reasons I joined them also is they are all women, I am accountable there. They will measure me when I want and there are a few other perks that I just loved.
Anyway, today is a Protein Day and I am not really looking forward to it but I am not going to be a whiney baby about it either. I have all my meals planned out for the day, workouts planned as well so here is to a great day!
Ok so the scale this morning read "228.4" that's 5 pounds less than what it read on Friday. If I keep this up I will easily meet my 15 pound goal by Thanksgiving. BUT...I know in the back of my mind that the weight will not just fall of this easily at all. I have worked hard in the past for two weeks and lost only 2 pounds. Yesterday the scale read 228.6 so I was already disappointed this morning when I only lost .2 pounds. But then I checked myself. This weekend was the first weekend that I was good. I stuck to my eating even when we went out to eat. Once I get in the "mode" I won't usually crack...and I'm in the mode right now so I need to take advantage of it. I made the yummiest yummiest vegestable casserole last night for the week for me. It has Eggplant, sundried tomatoes, onions, zucchini, red bellpepper, balsamic vinagrette, and parmesan & motzerella cheese. I got it from the new calendar that KRAFT sent me. They have recipes every month and this one was very low in calories, fat and carbs....sounds like my diet nowadays. SOOOO good.
I did not have such a good night sleep at all. I have my girlie monthly which I only get when I loose weight (weird I know). When I was 275 pounds I went a whole year without it, then when I did get it, it did not stop on it's own and I would bleed severely until I would become anemic and close to hospitalization. I had forgotten about that time...BUT...I feel like today is one of those days though, it's very bad and I am hoping it dies down a bit. Very annoying. I pretty much brought my whole brand new box of tampons. I have a headache too which tells me my iron is running low. I have to make sure I take my vitamins, I haven't been doing that and with the Lindora diet you are supposed to take them like 3 times a day so I better get to crackin' on those. Well I am going to log my planned food intake for the day today. I packed my breakfast, lunch AND snacks today. WHOA.
So here I am at work on Saturday...got here at 5:15am. Yep. The really sucky part is that I had to wake up at 3am to take a shower and do tons of other things because I brought the girls with me. My hubby works on Saturdays and since I missed 2 days of work because I have been sick, I had to come in today. Sick time is running low so like I said, here I am.
The good news? Is there good news? Yes there is! Jesus loves me and I am Heaven bound! And guess what? There is more good news! I lost 3 pounds in 2 days. I can't wait to call Laura to let her know. I think that since I have WAY more fat to loose. I might actually beat her in this "loose 15 pounds by Thanksgiving friendly competition" and not because I ate better. She works out at the gym like 3 or 4 days a week and my workout yesterday was throwing Alani up in the air. I noticed my arms started to burn..like when you are lifting weights ya know? And I was going to stop but my "brain lightbulb" went off and I kept doing it for a while since she was cracking up. Too funny...that's ghetto huh? LOL
I am also very happy to report that I was good eating wise and we went to the movies. As I walked in I waited for the overwhelming smell of popcorn, candy, hot dogs and pizza to hit me. It was not bad, I pretended to feel disgusted (yeah right) my husband looked at me like "yeah right, you're disgusted"? Since we are on a budget I pulled a Mom move and made buttery kettle popcorn at home, put it in a ziplock bag and stuck it in my purse. I was glad I did that because popcord STARTED at $5.75. What?! The only other reason we went to see Chicken Little was because we had $20 worth of Gift Certificates to Pacific Theatres. For 2 adults and 1 child it was $26.00. Man I must be getting cheaper every year cause I would rather buy 3 used DVD's at Blockbuster for that price, ya know?
Ok ok let me wrap this up...today is DAY 3 of Protein Day and I cannot wait until I can actually have fruit and salad and bread and all sorts of other food tomorrow. Protein Days are killer but I am in Ketosis according to my Keto stick this morning. YEAH BABY! Ok well I guess I better do some work while I am here. MUA!
"If we confess our sins He is faithful and just, to fogive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrightousness" 1 John 1:9
Ok so Laura (pictured to the left) which is a co-worker and now close friend of almost 5 years and I are competing to loose 15 pounds by Thanksgiving. We were IM'ing each other yesterday and we were talking about being motivated about loosing weight and I said "Do I smell competion"? and her reply was "Bring it on sister". Man that was enough for me. I love a nice friendly competition...so since I did not weigh myself yesterday morning I did so when I got home and I actually had gained 1.6 pounds back so I was at 234.6 so this morning I weighed myself and I was back down to 233. But I am not counting that extra weight...maybe just water weight or something. I dunno. Anyway, I am super excited about this. I am still flippen sick and when I got home yesterday I had plans of walking and bike riding but before I left work yesterday I started to get a fever then I got a headache. I took some tylenol when I got home an hour later and laid on my bed with Alani and all she did was smack me, pull my hair and pounce on me....this entire time I would yell out from my bedroom door to Alexis "are you almost done cleaning your room??!!!" when she was done she ran in as always to rescue me from the brat. Man she is such a great help! I love her to pieces. Sometimes I think I am too hard on her. I try not to expect too much of her. She is another HUGE reason I want to loose weight. I had gestational diabetes when I was pregnant with her and kids born from a diabetic mother tend to be obese as adults. She is chubby and I want to help her eat better. I am allowing her to one indulge on ONE thing per day and the rest has to be healthier food. We can still go to McDonalds once in a while and eat chips and dip...KEY WORD = ONCE IN A WHILE. God bless. I prayed once again this morning and asked God for help and this is what He gave to me. Isn't God good!?
"I sought the LORD, and he heard me, and delivered me from all my fears. They looked unto him, and were lightened: and their faces were not ashamed. This poor man cried, and the LORD heard him, and saved him out of all his troubles. The angel of the LORD encampeth round about them that fear him, and delivereth them."
Psalm 34:4-7
I am setting short term goals from now on. Although I see people do this often and seem more successful I shun the idea thinking that if I tell myself that I have 70 pounds to loose that it will motivate me, I am wrong. What happens is when I do loose 3 or 4 pounds and it seems like it's just a tiny bit off of that HUGE 70 pounds and I will never get there. I have been sick for about a week now and yesterday I was going to start Lindora over again (yes again) and I thought well I should just wait till after the holidays cause I have to give myself that pigging out holiday time. WRONG! If I do that I will gain the little 5 pounds that I have lost and gain probably 10 more pounds in the process.
Soooooo...with Lindora I CAN loose about 5 pounds a week if I stick closely to it. I got my protein bars and protein soups in the mail and I can BEGIN! So today is Protein Day 1. I am going to take my daughter out candy selling for her school and plan to walk quite a bit. After this nasty cold/flu and cough go away I am hitting the gym baby! Once my husband gets home from work I am getting on my bike and going for a bike ride for 20 minutes. So I have a plan and I am gonna do this "Short Term Goal" thing that works for lots of people for 15 pounds in 3 weeks. I want to take family pictures when we go to San Jose to visit my family so hopefully I will look thinner. Oh PLUS I am going to take my 30 minute walk with Laura at work Monday through Friday. She is going on a cruise and is SO totally motivated to loose weight AND she is doing Lindora too. I am so exited!!!
