is just flying by.....Some people worry about making their mark here on earth. Like they want to be remembered by something they did. I don't think I care much about that or do I? So many thing I think about daily. So many people I want to help and I wish I had the money to help so many needy people. So many girls without mothers looking for motherly love and so many boys that need fathers where I wish my husband had the time to be a father to them. Why do I think about this stuff so much? Is this what makes me stress out? Not really sure, wondering where all this is coming from? Me too.
I feel like fed up today. I have been feeling like that lately....fed up about how fat I am. I am just waiting for someone to ask me how many months pregnant I am. I feel THAT fat and I am sure I look that fat.I know that if I was to look at a picture of myself right now I would be like "I had NO idea it was THAT bad"!! But I really do...but then I talk myself into thinking "I'm not that fat"...anyway...enough. And I obvioiusly have had enought. My size 16 clothes? Tight. Very tight. In fact the very few size 18 clothes that I had stuffed in the back of my closet and drawers have suddenly made an appearance and have been getting washed over and over again...I looked at myself in the mirror and just knew I had to get serious. The good thing is this is where I draw the line and I know I won't myself get bigger than an 18. Because I am tall I can play the size 16 off but the 18/20...Not so much. I am heading to costco today at lunch to buy salmon. I am doing the salad/salmon lunch and dinner to clean out my system and LOTS and LOTS of water. I did get some diet cherry 7-up so I eat with my meals though so that will be a treat. I also need to run out and get some protein bars so I don't binge eat...cause I go through some serious withdrawals when I stop the junk eating.
All in all....I am happy about this...happy that I am finally at the point where I am putting a stop to it. The next few days I expect to be a bit depressed as it does happen...but I need to remember that it's temporary. Crazy how food has this affect on people. Scary. Well I will be back this week to chat about other things like The Lord our God, my beautiful kids and husband which I adore. :-) God bless!
I want to work out. I really do. I don't want to keep eating junk. I really don't. I felt like crud most of the time. Did you know that I have even thought that I am depressed and need to get on depression medication. I am so up and down and I don't know why. I don't know why I feel sad when I'm sad and I have read and heard that this is called depression. BUT these past couple of weeks at church, it's so weird, ALL of the preachers have talked about how everyone runs to depression medications when they are feeling down. How we have all of our kids on meds at the first sign of trouble. So I am resisting and I believe that my "down" times are related to me eating junk. I truly do think that foods with all those hormones, sugar and who knows what else can cause instability to ones mind. So I am going to the gym for the very first time in like 2 months tomorrow morning. I am going to clean out my system by doing my protein days and fighting HARD to do Lindora. Once I am on it I talk myself out of WHY I should NOT do it........so I am going to try and pray. A LOT. If you pray, pray for me (yes again).
Work sucks at the moment. Management. I have to get a note from my Dr. in order for them to approve my 3 days working at home. My Dr. read the questions they typed up for him and he said "why are they asking this? It's none of their business". I said I know but I need you to help me with this letter or I will have to continue this commute until I get another job closer to home. Then I find out yesterday that we are moving buildings. They could not renew the lease or something. Very weird...but Ok maybe it will be closer to my house. Doubt it though. Seriously. They have mapped out where everyone lives and will "try" to reduce commute times for everyone. We will know by middle of next month (where we will be moving to) and move by Mid January 2008. Hm...things are interesting and weird around here. Anyway, I have to get to work cause I have been really busy this week. Till later, God Bless.
"to love the Lord your God, to walk in all His ways, to keep His commandments, to hold fast to Him, and to serve Him with all of your heart and will all of your soul"
Joshua 22:5
So much happens in my life on a daily basis that it's hard not to feel overwhelmed. I think this is why I get depressed sometimes. I feel like life is just passing me by and I am in a constant state of confusion and desperation. When I asked my bosses to let me work from home I didn't think it would really be THAT much of a big deal. I've done it before with great success so what's the big deal eh? Well it just so happens to be I have 2 new bosses and one of them has tons of employees under her and she really doesn't give a darn how much of a good job I do here or how long I've been here. Anywho...they approved my work from home 3 days a week....for now...basically on a trial basis AND only because I have a medical excuse. My blood pressure is sorta out of control right now (I wonder why) and I need to take more meds. I can't drive too well under the influence of these blood control medications so....there you have it. We'll see how long they'll let me do this for. Once they say "no more" then I will need to look into another job. I can't afford the gas for a 120+ mile commute anymore.
What else? Lots of thinks but I think I will leave it unspoken for now. I just pray that the Lord helps me through these difficult times. Seems like I am always going through difficult times. But they aren't really ya know? Not compared to others that are REALLY going through a tough time. I hate that I can't look at their situations right now and think how blessed I really am. I'm just going to keep looking to the Lord for help in everything.
Isaiah 55:11
So is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it
Long time no post. I will get right to it since I have tons of work.
Ok so I have been anxious about work for a few days. I submitted a proposal for the bosses to work from home and I have not heard back. It's been over a week. I have another job opportunity to work from home 5 days a week but the pay I believe is a bit lower, not so much vacation time & other misc. perks I enjoy here. I need to put the pressure on them to give me a responce as I don't want to loose out on the other job. Pray for me please! I really want to stay working for this company and I HATE change (when it comes to jobs). But yesterday as I felt myself starting to stress about it I asked God to take the burden from my heart and I let it be. Whatever the outcome is I will deal with it accordingly.
Second thing, I just returned from a 3 ladies conference. There were hundreds of ladies there and although I had some good fellowship time with some other ladies I actually went to listen to the advice from the lady speakers. The spritual advice was overwhelming to the point that when I think about it, it makes me want to cry. It touched me THAT much, the messages hit the spot. Just wonderful Godly advice. God is so good to us and I just love Him & praise Him to pieces for that. In a nutshell, I learned to be a better Mom and Wife because of this conference and I know that I have to love the Lord with all my might and He will come through for me. He's promised that to us.
Let's see what else. I have been eating much better. I haven't weighed myself but I am not craving junk as much. I feel like a happier me even though I do have "downtimes" in my attitude, I recognize this and am taking a "time-out" so I don't make brash decisions in my eating and in my attitude towards everyone.
Gosh I just think I have too many things to say and can't get it out without typing a book but I need to work so I will come back here throughout the week and share my life away. God Bless.
I Chronicles 16:34-36
34 Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good!
His faithful love endures forever.
35 Cry out, “Save us, O God of our salvation!
Gather and rescue us from among the nations,
so we can thank your holy name and rejoice and praise you.”
36 Praise the Lord, the God of Israel,
who lives from everlasting to everlasting!
And all the people shouted “Amen!” and praised the Lord.
