I so suck (right now)

I suck because I didn't stick to my new eating habits. I gave in to the old "well it's the holidays I will just start over when they are over". I could of totally been down a good 15 pounds. Instead I feel WAY fat and not sure how much I even weigh. I know I've been eating a whole lotta tamales, cheesecake and cookies.

The GOOD news is I know that I will loose the weight. Instead of feeling helpless and praying that some miracle pill comes on the market so I will loose the bulk, I feel powerful and once again inspired. I just got off the phone with a high school friend that keeps in touch. She actually called to wish me a happy belated birthday. I have not seen her for 5 or 6 years yet she remembers my birthday and calls me about every 3-4 months. I am not very good at staying in touch with people. I deal with the people currently in my life and the events currently happening in my life. I THINK about old friends and possibly calling them but I don't. ANYWAY, she was telling me that her youngest daughter is almost 6 years old and she's the biggest she's ever been and how she wants to loose weight.

Immediately a bell goes off in my head and I tell her that I want to visit Northern Cali in March or April and wouldn't it be great if we would set a weight loss goal so when we saw each other we would look great. She said "yeah that would be cool" but didn't seem like she wanted to commit. It seemed like she did not KNOW what to do to loose weight. I gave her some suggestions but there are SO many things to keep in mind that I felt I would overwhelm her. Plus way back when fat people would give me suggestions I wo9uld think "Now why don't YOU use the information you are giving me if it works so well". So that's kinda how I felt. A fat person telling another overweight person HOW to loose weight. I think that in February when I reach my NEW goal of 30 pounds (that's an ambitious goal and I am going to really push myself on) I am going to call her again and let her know how I am doing. I WOULD love to meet up with her and for us both to look and feel great. I am not one of those friends that wants all their friends to feel like crap because you look good. I need to call my sister Nancy too and motivate her as well.

I dunno, maybe I am weird. For me to be successfull in weigh loss, I need to get into a friendly competition with someone. I was successfull when I did with Laura at work and it was working for her too. I tried to get into this competition with my sister too but I need to help her committ 100% to this. My friend is going on a cruise in May so if I motivate her in February she will have 3 months to get it together.

I thank God for letting me have the knowledge on loosing weight. I am SO glad that I am not expecting a miracle weight loss drug to solve my weight problems. All it takes is taking control on eating, meal planning and exercise.

I can't wait and am super excited once again! God bless!

Plan of attack

Ok so this will be my first weekend where I am not really going to allow myself to have a free day. What I will do is have 2 slices of bread with breakfast instead of 1 and 2 slices of bread for lunch (if I have a sandwhich). I weighed myself this morning I am down a little over half a pound. So I am almost 229. That will be nice to see the "two's" again. I can already tell with the little weight that I have lost that my belly fat has gone down a good deal which is crazy!

I was washing dishes yesterday and was thinking that the past two times where I have been as serious as I am now about loosing weight I got pregnant when I got down to 200 pounds. I think I saw 199 when I found out I was pregnant with Alani then last year at the same exact time I had gotten down to 205. This time I am not planning on getting pregnant at ALL!!! So I am REALLY super curious as to what I am going to look like below 200 pounds. I have not seen myself that thin for 10 YEARS!! I can't believe it's taken me that long. These past few years I finally learned how to eat and what exactly I needed to do to loose weight and I am SO glad because I think life can be so much more enjoyable when you are thinner. I know I will be more outgoing. With God in my life now, my kids getting a little older, things should be easier from now on. I mean my baby is only 2 months old, and I can't believe I "got with it" so soon after his birth. With Alani it took me a whole year before I realized I needed to get back to loosing weight. Maybe it was a good thing or else I would of gotten pregnant when she was younger and that would of been harder. She's two years old now and it's hard chasing her around and trying to get her to stop kissing the baby or waking him up.

Anyway, still trying to help my sister get on track. I need to call her early today and ask her if she wants to do South Beach. I think Lindora is too drastic for her. I got up early today and we all had breakfast with Alexis. Alani and the baby where both in my bed at 3am and I had a really hard time sleeping. Alexis gets off of school at 12:00 today and I need to pump gas so right now I am going to clean the house, fold two loads of laundry, put them away, change the kids and me, go put gas and pick up Alexis. Then I am heading to Costco to buy some Salmon so I can bake it tonight and eat it for this weekend. Since Salmon is very filling it will make me stay on track. God bless.

Possibilities

Let me get my weight loss stuff outta the way so I don't forget to blog about it. I weighed myself this morning and I am now down to 230.8. Yeay for me. I have been trying pretty darn hard to stick to these protein days. I have to admit that I did cheat. I ate a banana and about 8oz of milk last night and the night before. I don't know what it is about the evening but I get hungry. Well at least I cheated with a fruit and some milk and not a candy bar or cookies. Regardless I am loosing. I am almost down 6 pounds from two weeks ago so I am. pretty happy about that. I need to check in with my sister Nancy to see how she is doing. A lot fo times it's hard for me to figure out what to eat and I have been a dieter for years so I am sure it's really hard for her. When I don't want to bother thinking about what to make myself to eat I just eat a protein bar and that seems to have kept my cravings at bay. THe crazy thing is I have SO much energy. I'm not hungry and I am not tired. One of the many benefits of eating healthier and loosing weight. Last night Serg and Alexis went to eat chinese food and run to the store to get milk and eggs as we were out. I eat eggs for breakfast almost every morning so he had no choice but to go, and then no milk? Not at this house. We drink like 2 gallons of milk every 3-4 days - if it lasts that long. So my workouts are still cleaning and running around. Still have not gotten around to "work out" per say. I will NEED to watch and do my DVD tonight cause tomorrow is church.

Ok so next topic is CLOVIS, Ca. We have been thinking about moving since I spoke to Serg about the possibility of moving there. I think I sold him on it and we have been praying hard that it be God's will that we move there. It makes sense. Closer to my parents, pretty close to here in Long Beach so we can visit the few friends we have left and Cindy basically. Sergio said there is also a highway that we can take that takes us straight to his mom's in Arizona so it's a good thing there as well. We are so excited about it that we ACTUALLY called a lender to try and get pre-qualified. I think our credit is horrendous, Serg thinks it's not that bad. So we called the guy that does our taxes, he has his own company and he also does loans, my hubby knows him from when he was growing up. He ran our credit and we are scheduled to meet with him at 4pm today. The worst case scenario is that we have to pay all the cruddy stuff on our credit to try and get our credit score up and we are somehow going to have to do that.

So I am kinda scared of what this guy has to say. People think pretty low of people with bad credit and it sucks because I have never had good credit. Even when I had NO credit I could not get anything. It kinda sucks because I am not sure who people GET good credit. I could not get one single credit card because I had no credit. So anyway, I have always had high interest rate credit cards because those are the only ones I qualified for. Sucks because I put myself in a position where I could not pay them anymore and so they went to collections. This was about 7 years ago almost so I am hoping that since they are old we can do something.

I have millions of things going on in my head. Will my job let me work from home if I relocate? Will we be able to even get a loan? How much work does the union have for my husband? Will it be too hot? Too cold? How will it be trying to find a new church? Should we join an independent bapt*tist chu*rch again since I would like to wear pants? Are we going to move away from the Lord if we move or will we get closer to Him? Incorporating bible reading into our nightlroutine? Will be even be able to afford the mortgage? Sergio wants to breed dogs, how will that be? Planning meals, loosing weight. Checking in with my mom? Will they move there too someday? HMMMMMM.......I am feeling a little nutty right now. The kids are taking naps so I am going to check out more info on Clovis on the net. God Bless and if someone if reading this. PLEASE PRAY FOR US!

Excercise??

I am having a hard time incorporating exercise into my daily routine. If you saw me all the things I had to do on a daily basis you would scratch your head and wonder HOW I was even thinking of adding exercise. I have my days down a little more and I stress a lot less than I used to. I wash clothes every other day and I don't stress out too much if I don't vaccum the house every single day. Anyway, I mentioned that I had bought a workout DVD but I haven't even watched it yet. Maybe tomorrow as today I did the laundry. I weighed myself this morning and I was down to 232.6 so I am down about 4 pounds. I started to do Lindora as well because I so suck at stoping myself the day after my "free day". Like Saturday was my free day and I ate chocolate, cookies, pizza and fried chicken on Sunday. I was supposed to be back on track on Sunday but since the patch kids performed and we had a pizza party for them, I just ate a slice and had a chicken breast I drank soda and all sorts of stuff.

The thing that sucks about Lindora are the killer protein days. They are a little hard for me. Then you have to do them once a week and those are even harder. This Friday is our church Christmas Party and we are going to...yep...a buffet. BUT the good thing about the buffet is that they have salads, grilled fish and all sorts of good options. The problem is that I want to eat that super soft yummy buttery bread and all the other bad stuff they have. I will try my darnest to get into ketosis by Thursday so that I am good on Friday. We have a Christmas lights activity afterwards too so it will be nice to be kid free. I have diapers and formula coming out my ears nowadays. I love my baby and everything but I can't wait to be free of bottle again. I can't wait to be back down to 200 pounds.....better yet....170-175 sounds much better. I will just be happy to be back at where I was at last year. I felt so good last year. I was the thinnest I had been in a long time. Anyway, I have lots of clothes that I can fit into if I loose more weight so I am keeping those in mind.

Let me see what else??? I still don't have my books from Amazon. Suprised they are taking so long. I am super broke right now, disability is finally sending me a check after a whole month. The good thing about that is that I get a few thousand dollars from back pay. Now I need to send in the Family leave paperwork so I can get cheddar from them.

My friend Jen called me today. I met her while working for John at Pinto and Assoc. way back when. She's always kept in touch and I am glad she did. I so don't keep in touch with people. She's buying her third house in Clovis, CA. This is a brand new home, totally customized for $420K. She's going to nursing school and for the most part has not worked while raising her 3 girls. Her husband brings home the bacon let's just say that. I would LOVE to be in that situation but I am not and I hope that I am not coveting. I know that pastor talks about that. I think God knows that that's what I want for my girls. A bigger house for them to move around in. This house is way too small for us. I was talking to Sergio about possibly moving to closer. It seems like a win win situation. I would like to be much closer to my parents but San Jose is WAY too expensive and any other place around Long Beach that is affordable like Clovis is San Bernardino which would be moving farther away. If we were to move to Clovis, I would be 2 hours from San Jose, and 3 hours from here. Totally driveable! Now......we just need God's blessing. Without His blessing I don't want to go anywhere. I am going to keep praying and am going to ask my family to keep praying for His blessing. I feel that this would be a good move for us. We will see what happens. OKAY. gotta go, Serg is handling the kids while I finish my post and I still have to go on fitday and write in the foods I ate. God bless.