Well I am totally lacking motivation but have been trying to come up with a serious plan since yesterday. I am once again reminding myself that I need to stop thinking about loosing weight for vanity reasons but to do it for health reasons! Sometimes I convince myself that I look "alright" fat and that I am ok to stay this way. BUT I fail to remind myself of my high blood pressure due to fatness. I am sure I am borderline diabetic at times because of.......yes you guessed it...my royal fatness. You know I always think that if I get this or that that just THEN will I be "able" to continue with my weight loss. The problem is it never happens. First my thoughts where "WHEN I get on my PCOS meds I will regulate my insulin levels and the weight will start to easily melt off". Although the meds DO help with weight loss, I am not taking them religiously. I often fail to take my blood pressure meds even when I FEEL my blood pressure boiling. Yep, that is VERY bad. And now my new thing is WHEN I get Meridia prescribed to help with the hunger issues I will THEN loose weight. I need to stop depending on stuff to move forward. So I am kicking myself in the rear and making myself take care of myself. Being skinny and cute is just going to have to be considered a perk. You know I am getting older and older and by eating like crap I am setting myself up to be sickly when I am older. I am in a sense beating up my heart, messing with my liver and kidney functions by being so up and down with my weight. I need to stop thinking that I am going to be young forever.
I got my Food Saver a while back (vaccum packs foods to last longer) and so this weekened I AM going to Costco to buy chicken, fish and beef in bulk and making many of meals to stick in the freezer to make it convenient for me to just grab and run.
What else is going on? Besides me being totally tired I am putting together a proposal to ask my bosses to let me work from home. I actually LIKE coming in to work but the gas is getting ridiculous and it's severly dipping into my bills budget. The gas is $3.28 a gallon in Long Beach and it use to cost me $38 to fill up and now I am spending $49.00 to fill up and I need 3 entire fill ups during the week to drive to and from work which = $150 a WEEK which is actually closer to $600! I actually thought it was around $450 but now that this past week gas prices have skyrocketed I am spending WAY too much. Not to mention the wear and tear on my car. So I think I am going to first talk to my immediate boss and try and build a case with her and go from there. I would say wish me luck but there is no such thing as LUCK, so PRAY for me please!!
Jeremiah 29:11-1311 For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. 12 In those days when you pray, I will listen. 13 If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me.
Yeah what is up with the weight loss? My husband took me out on a date last night and was like "what's up with you working out and eating better"? He didn't ask that because he wants me to get skinny, he asked me that because he can tell that something is up with me. I am so much happier when I feel good about myself and right now I don't so am not planning my meals and I am not working out. It's got a little bit to do with me being fed up with having to squeeze EVERYTHING in. Everytime I do that something suffers at the expense of whatever I squeezed in. I guess I can say I got sick and tired of doing that. That and also being exausted. I told him that I am building myself up with the Lord's help and I am feeling much better. I just need to realize that life is not easy and throwing a "tantrum" is only going to make things worse. So this week.....I am building. Reading my bible and studying.
This paycheck should be nice with my raise in it and I worked a few hours of overtime so I am going to splurge on lots of yummy foods for myself (healthy of course). Saturday I plan on cooking my buttocks off so my first week of being back at the gym is not so stressfull. I also have to go to the chiropracter twice a week so on those days I will not be going to the gym. I rather not go then stress myself out and stop working out all together.
Alexis is sick - has a fever and all. I got up at midnight and did not see her in bed so I went to the living room and there she was. Groaning in her sleep....like a "I don't feel so good". I touched her forehead and cheeks and she was burning up. I am sure she will be staying home from school today and I am sure that tonight I will be staying home from church so the kiddos can get better. No sense in dragging them out of the house. I want Sergio to shave Gabriel's hair tonight. I will take a pic and post it tomorrow. Alright well I am guessing that is it for now. God Bless.
Psalm 6:1-4
1 O Lord, do not speak sharp words to me in Your anger, or punish me when You are angry.
2 Be kind to me, O Lord, for I am weak. O Lord, heal me for my bones are shaken.
3 My soul is in great suffering. But You, O Lord, how long?
4 Return, O Lord. Set my soul free. Save me because of Your loving-kindness.
I am back to being really up and down with my moods. Total mood swings and I HATE it. I feel like such a downer which makes me not want to come on here and talk about it. But then I convince myself to TALK.....Talk to myself at least. Get my feelings out in writting. I am thinking I am like this because of stress. There has been SO many changes in the past 2 weeks! I hate change....good change I like, bad change I cringe at. New boss is starting today and let's just say I know her well and I cannot believe for the life of me that they hired her to be a manager. The #1 reason people leave this place is because of bad management. This person KNOWS how to manipulate people in a way that is totally disgusting. I know her pretty well and knowing all this about her gives me the creeps. This job that she got now, let's just say she fought hard for in a really bad way and has lost her closest friends and is not regreting it at all. I am not one of those friends thank goodness! I saw her in action a few years ago and knew that I had to stay away. Other people didn't listen to me and now feel like she stabbed them in the back with an ax several times.
Anyhow, I worked from home on Friday and it was so nice! When my boss said goodbye on Thursday she walked me out, told me not to be afraid to ask management to allow me to work from home because they would approve it. So in about 1 month when my new "boss" get settled in I am going in for the kill. Gas is seriously crazy high and now that my hubby is not working (for several weeks) it's going to start making a dent in my wallet.
Today I have a Dr's appointment at 1:30 which means I have to leave work early. Then I have a massage sceduled for 4pm. I was going to try and make it to the gym but I guess it all depends on how everything goes.
Well I have not weighed myself which is never good. Wondering when I am going to get my act together again and get to it already.
The RU program starts on Friday and I am feeling the pressure. I felt like my helper took over at this Friday's meeting. She's a really good Cristian but she talks A LOT and so I need to have a talk with her about sticking to the schedule and staying in her role as my helper. I think she thinks she is the leader of the group or something and I just kinda feel bad about having to "reprimand" her about it. You see I have a group of ladies in what is called our "2nd talk" where each of them can open up since we are in smaller groups. I start with opening in prayer & move on with checking everyones booklets. I give them points which are for future awards and I challenge them to memorize scripture to help them during the week. Anyway, in 40 minutes I have to do that AND get around to each lady and ask what problems they encountered this past week and encourage them and give them godly advice. One lady is going through a REALLY REALLY hard time and while we have to be compassionate, some people will want to tell you their life story and use up all 40 minutes. I knew we had to move on to the next lady but my helper kept egging this lady on and by this time she had used up most of the time. I should of taken control of my group and in the end, I didn't get to 2 ladies and one of them was crying (I noticed this as we were getting up to join all the other groups again) and I was upset at myself because I went in the with no confidence and was totally unprepared. All my stuff was messy and disorganized and I had hardly studied during the week. This is so not me! So I got myself together on Saturday but I still need to have a serious talk with Jane about her sticking to her duties of a helper and letting me stick to my leader's schedule. I might call her during the week and ask her to go out with me for coffee so we can discuss a plan of attack. She gave me a really nice card telling me how happy she was that we were working together to help those that are lost.
My husband bought me the cutest leather cover bible this weekend with my name engraved in the front of it. I love it!!! Now I can write all over it if I feel like it. He doesn't like to write in bibles (not sure why)....so I already highlighted, underlined and wrote all over mine :-)
Alright well that's all my boring life things. Till later. God bless.
I haven't really felt like typing out the drama's in my life lately. laziness.....or maybe there just has been too muc of it. Not in my family life....like marriage but everywhere else it seems like. Work and accident stuff. Ugh...but it will all work out in the end.
I went to the chiropracter for the first time since my accident and boy did I need it. I didn't realize how tense I was. I slept like a baby last night and didn't want to get up this morning. It was such instant relief and I was in the bestest of moods after I walked out of there. I felt like I was floating!! Anyway, I have been in a rotten mood lately which is another reason I have not typed out my rants on here. I would of talked about people in a way that I should not be. I kept reminding myself that I was a Christian and I was going to get through my anger issues and I did. I just need to accept some of the things that happen that are out of my control. You know why stress on things that I cannot change. We are human and it happens but sometimes we can make things worse.
My eating habits have sucked of late. Not awful but I have snuck in some junk. I have not been to the gym since my accident either but I am planning on getting back on track on Saturday. I am going to go for a nice workout and for a swim in the heated pool.
I guess that's pretty much it, my boss's last day is today and she is going to work for a new company and working from home. I am thinking about joining her there. I would work from home and get paid more. Hmm...not much to think about heh? Except I am comfortable where I am And just got a raise but I am not sure that the commute is paying off as gas is so expensive right now. We will see what the other job has to offer. Well that's it for now. God bless.
