Taking the next step

Ok need to get this off my chest. I am upset. I guess you can say I am upset at my body and metabolism. I hate having PCOS. I weighed myself this morning and I didn't loose ANY weight!! I did have some pizza during the game on Sunday but geesh to have NO loss because of one meal is crazy. I have been eating SO good for quite some time now and no loss?!! Ugh. I had the worst migraine for 2 entire days this weekend which really sucked. On Sunday when I pretty much had it with this headache I gave int o eating pizza. My head is still aching from it can you believe it? I am frustrated to say the least. One thing I can say that is my fault is that I have not been working out as hard as I need to be. I expected to loose weight by eating better and working out very little.

I did throw in the Prevention 3-2-1 workout DVD yesterday afternoon and my legs are actually sore today. I brought my workout clothes to work (finally) so I could join Florence on her walks during lunch. This morning as I was in the shower I literally felt like crying but didn't because I am NOT going to feel sorry for myself anymore. I have PCOS, yes it is hard to loose weight when you have this, and the meds I am on give me this horrific headaches and make me feel like I am going to puke 24/7 but OH WELL!!? What else am I going to do? Give in and stay fat all my life? I want to desperately be much slimmer and maybe that is giving me some anxiety about my weight not dropping. It's just too darn bad that I don't have a fast metabolisms. I need to accept THAT and move on.

I decided once again that I NEEDED to get back on Lindora. The eating is not much different than what I am doing now, but it's something about doing those 3 protein days that gets my body into gear. It's like a slap in the face for my body and me saying "You are loosing the weight wether you like it or NOT"!! Seriously. So I need today to prepare, to read my Lindora book. Reading a chapter in that book daily keeps me going. I need to make a grocery food list of what I need. I need to buy eggbeaters for sure.

I missed work yesterday because I had to take Gabriel to get more labwork. The poor kid still has diarrhea and the most horrific rash. We can't even wipe him with wipes anymore. We have to wash his bottom with soap and water because his bottom is that bad. I feel so bad for him and it's like the Dr's can't really do anything until the lab results come back. The solution is not diaper rash ointment but getting rid of the diarrhea. The Dr said he would be testing for Rotavirus and NOW that I really think about it all these diarhea problems started when he got his 2 month shots which included that NEW oral rotavirus vaccine. Great! I am going to call today to let him know so he can get those lab results back ASAP!

Anyway, yesterday I was on the bigest loser website for a while. Trying to get motivated. I thought that by seeing all those people loose weight I would want to and I do but I just feel like I am so tired. I know I am this tired because of my weight. I am very heavy right now. If I really think of it, I am at one of my 2nd biggest weights. The first two weeks of working out is going to be hard but I need to stick to it. Maybe the walks with Florence will kick in the motivation. I had an idea on my way to work this morning. I can take Alexis to sell her candy at the Aquarium and hopefully when I get my taxes, I can buy a used double stroller and take both kids with me on speed walks on the marina. I will talk to Scott about checking out some candy for Lauren as well so she can stay there with Alexis. That will get the kids out of the house, some alone relaxing time for Serg and Alexis can sell candy to pay for her school tuition. ;-) I will be back later.