So it feels like my life is just about running running and more running. Even though I work at home I don't feel like I am using my time wisely. I am not working out and I have gained 3 pounds in 2 weeks. I went to the doctor yesterday and now have been given regular insulin as my after dinner sugar levels are high. I saw my baby boy on the ultrasound and he is flippen adorable. He was stretching, had the hickups and was tilting his head back. I am still in disbelief. He is so small (I am 21 weeks into pregnancy) yet he is full of life already. I don't want to harm him. I NEED to be better with my fricken eating. I am getting so mad at myself. You know once in a while I will allow myself to indulge but I have pretty much had it with myself. I am done. I am very close to being at the weigh I was at when I started my weight loss challenge. It's weird because it IS really hard to control your eating when you are pregnant but it can also be used as an excuse and that's what I have been doing.
Like last night I suggested we eat dinner at this burger place. I ALMOST got a cheeseburger with fries and the whole deal but I didn't I opted for one of their yummy salads, BUT then I had some of my husbands onion rings and some of Alexis fries. It's like I need to realize that I DO have gestational diabetes and I CANNOT have these foods PERIOD. I knew this when I was pregnant with Alani and I did SO well. So why can't I do this again!!??
We went to church after we ate and our pastor announce two more ladies that are expecting. The Lazzo's and Jones. Both those girls are so pretty, have nice hair, nice clothes and not that I dress like a slob but I FEEL fat, I feel like I look more pregnant than I should sometimes, I was in church last night wondering what their pregnancy wardrobe would look like, and how big they would get. That's bad I think. I kept thinking about keeping my weight in check and also getting a haircut, buying some make up and making an effort to make myself look a tad bit better. I have had gray in my hair since I was about 19 and now I have TONS AND TONS of gray hair so I bought some hair dye on Wednesday night but have not had a chance to do it but I am doing it today and I am going to try and run and get a haircut on my lunch break. I need one. I saw my photo that we took on mothers day and my hair looks AWFUL. It is long but it's all one length and it just looks weighed down and my face looks huge. I need a flippen make over.
I was also thinking of how crowded my closet is and how I have bought some cute maternity clothes BUT I can never find them. SO I am also cleaning out my closet today.
It's TIME FOR CHANGE. I am going to make a list of these things and try and meet these goals by the end of this week. Of course my eating goals are going to be an ongoing thing, even after the baby is born cause I totally want to loose this bulge right away ;-) God bless. Here is Greg Lauries devotional for today. It is great and we have a GREAT GOD!!!
Not Alone
Lord, You have searched me and known me.
— Psalm 139:1
Did you know that your shortcomings and failures come as no surprise to God? He is all-knowing. God knows everything about you. Jesus Christ knows you better than you know yourself. So it came as no shock to the Lord when Peter failed. But Jesus loved that man, just as He loves you.
Jesus even gave Peter a second chance. The disciples were sitting in the Upper Room when Jesus turned to Simon Peter and said something that must have shocked this man to the core: " 'Simon, Simon! Indeed, Satan has asked for you. . . .' " (see Luke 22:31).
Can you imagine if He said that to you? There you are. Your heart is filled with love for Him. You can't think of anyone you love more. And suddenly, Jesus turns to you and says, "Satan has been asking for you."
But I love the next verse. Jesus said to Peter, " 'But I have prayed for you, that your faith should not fail' " (Luke 22:32). Think of that. Jesus was praying for Peter, just as He is praying for you. If you knew that Jesus was in this room right now, praying for you specifically by name, would that give you courage? Would that give you strength? Would that encourage you?
Let me say this. Right now Jesus Christ is praying for you. We know that because the Bible says, "Therefore He is also able to save to the uttermost those who come to God through Him, since He always lives to make intercession for them" (Hebrews 7:25).
Just as surely as Jesus was standing in the gap for Peter, He is standing there for you. He knows you, and He is praying for you. You are not alone.
Man it's been a while since I have been on here. Time has been flying by. I am almost 20 weeks into my pregnancy, half way there.
On Friday we went to our church banquet and it seemed to be over so fast. I think all the planning for the banquet then the day comes and goes so quickly. The church did so well. Our pastor prayed for a certain amount and got a little over that amount. Goes to show how far prayer gets you. My husband even fasted for one day. He had one heck of a headache all day though. He eats so much that it was hard to picture him not eating the entire day. I made him a pitcher of lemonade and he drank 1 glass of it ALL DAY long. The second 24 hours hit he ate. I would of probably gotten a sugar headache..or lack of sugar headache.
Anyway, working from home has saved us financially so much! I keep praying that God help us financially but I think this might be His way of helping. We are saving over $400 on gas each month, well that would be more like $500 now that the gas prices are so crazy. Thank GOD for that!! I guess God's favor was on me when my approval to work from home went through. I get to sleep in till 5 or 6am. I can basically start working whenever as long as I work 8 hours. I can work overtime. I mean, this is a huge huge blessing and I realize that.
Financially we are in a big bind. I know a lot of it has to do with my husband not working and not having ANY income at all, BUT it seems like no matter if he's bringing home $600 a week or not, we are still broke. It's like we don't learn or something. We need to get with it. I have so many bills to pay right now. $500 for Alexis school bill plus I need to pay the $110 registration fee for next year by 5/15. THEN I have to pay our cable/phone/DSL connection $190, rent $1050, $120 by June 1st for the Ladies Conference and a slew of other things. Unemployment has been playing games with my husband all month and to top it all off our bank LOST a $340 deposit we made. Yes, lost it and had NO record of it despite the ATM machine giving us a receipt. Keep in mind that when you make a deposit via ATM, the machine will not give you a receipt unless you put in the deposit slip, so they kept saying we never made a deposit, so my husband asked the branch manager to go and make a deposit so she could see what he was talking about. He said "Ok let's say I didn't make an actual deposit, where is the "empty" envelope I put in there"???? They could not answer the question. Since the deposit was cash, we think someone stole it and erased the record of the deposit. Thank God my husband had the receipt or we would not have ANY say so on this issue. Anyway, the back basically owes us $500+ dollars. So we will see where that takes us.
Anway, hope you have a blessed day.
Man I have been such an airhead lately. Like right now I was logging on to post and I could not remember my password. Let's see what to talk about first:
Easter - Easter Service at church was great. We had a good time in our Sunday school class, they hid eggs during service and it was fun despite being an adult...hehehehe. I didn't buy an Easter dress cause I still fit into a yellow long dress I have had with pastel blue flowers. I thought it was perfect. The girls looked cute. Alani wore a green pastel dress I bought her on Ebay for only .99 cents! and Alexis also wore a lime greenish dress that Serg bought her at Ross for $30. For Ross $30 is a lot so when I checked the original price it was like $89 bucks or something. I did her hair up in half a ponytail. I will post a picture later when I bring in the Sony camera. I have been using that camera lately because it seems to have a better zoom capability. Clearer pictures. When service was over I was a little sad because we did not have any plans to do anything. Everybody (around us as in other church members) talked about meeting up with family for brunch and when my daughter said "mom are we going to the park or SOMETHING? Like hide Easter eggs???" I thought "yeah what ARE we going to do"? Sad to say that we don't get together with my husbands family. Cindy his sister did not have her kids so she had all her single friends over and they were dancing and acting weird in her house. Totally not an "Easterish" mode. More like "YEAY we are FREE from kids this EASTER so let's celebrate Christ resurrection differently". Ok I will stop being hateful. I need too. I can't help it, it does bug me. It bugs me when we see people and they say "Yeah I've HEARD you're all into church N'stuff". His sisters tell everybody they know and we know that we think we are too good for them now that we go to church all the time. Yeah I feel like going over there and telling her how it is, but since I AM at church all the time and I KNOW how the bible tells me I should be, I am going to be the best person that I can be about this. Anyway, we ended up hooking up with Leah, her boys and the guy she is seeing from church Brother David (really nice guy) at the Signal Hill Park (overlooking the entire city of Long Beach) and the kids had a great time. Alani was a total candy monster. She was on a mission to eat ALL of the candy in her Easter basket which wasn't much but enough to be too much for her. She ended up only taking a forced 15 minute nap ALL DAY. The girls were happy about their Easter baskets which me and Serg put together. Nothing too expensive...just a few things to be satisfied with.
OK so I am going backwards to Saturday. We took the girls to the El Dorado Nature Center and walked (no kidding) about 7 miles all day. We walked INTO the parking lot, though to the entrance and walked about 1.5 miles inside. It was pretty cool. I think Alexis expected to be flocked by all sorts of animals and that wasn't the case but it was still cool to walk though what seemed like the woods. We saw birds, lizards, butterflies, fish, ducks and TONS of turtles. So cute...they originally wanted to go to the zoo but I don't really like the zoo. First off the animals are caged and they look sad and dirty all the time. Plus they are totally far away. AND....it's like $12 to get in. The nature center was F R E E. Now that Serg has no income we gotta to keep the spending to a minimum. Although we have been eating out a little too much. I have to keep food in the fridge or else we are not going to know what to do in 2 weeks.
Oh I got a new table at JCPENNEY....and man what a deal!! It was a $500+ table and each chair (on sale) was $100. BUT I got one on Clearance for $149 with 3 chairs. Ok so it was the old floor model and it's got a few dings. But the dings are few and totally worth it. It's a nice table. In our marriage we have always used a table that his sister Michelle gave to us (or that we rescued - long story) and 4 chairs my mother gave to me. Anyway now I just need to buy 3 more chairs but the lady at JcPenney is going to call us to let us know when they go on clearance. Is that nice OR WHAT?
What else???...oh this is my last week here at work...full time. I am praying to God that my work from home request goes through. Not sure what will happen if it does not. I will think positive and keep praying. When I start to work from home I will save over $100 on gas PER week. I will get 2 MORE hours of sleep in the AM and no afternoon commute. Man I can smell it now. I can actually smell the 2 pickles that I brought for lunch today (which other things of course).
My pregnancy obsession for the moment seems to be PICKLES and CARNE ASADA TACOS....MMMMM I am so sick in the head right now that I would eat these two together. Another good news is that I have not gained weight in 3 weeks I think. I am at 226 right now. So with this pregnancy I have gained 16 pounds and I am 16 weeks today... So that would be 1 pound a week. EEK. I need to make sure I STAY at 226 for a while. Being overweight as I am, the doctor will not require me to gain weight so I just need to watch it and work out like I did on Saturday.
I can't wait to be more pregnant. I just want the time to fly right now.
HE IS RISEN!!!
So everyting seems to be going well with the pregnancy. On Friday when we visited the best Dr. in the whole world Dr. Marshall my perinatologist for the first time this pregnancy he surprised us with an ultrasound. WE ARE HAVING A BOY!! It was pretty obvious when he showed us and we even got to see his little feet up against the screen. SO CUTE! He got to see Alani and he kept commenting on how beautiful she was. Well he helped me to get her here safely that's for sure. We talked about my blood pressure and how he didn't want to increase my BP meds because if my blood pressure drops too low it can cut off oxygen to the baby. So I will need to be better with my eating and also my sodium intake. He also put me on insulin 10 units in the PM as my fasting numbers in the morning are in the 100's and they should be no more than 89. So I need to watch my sugars as well. Not too much salt and not too much sugar.
I am trying not to stress out either because my hubby got laid off work. I mean he works for the union so it's just a matter of him getting another contrator to give him work but still...he had the good hours going and this was long time work...like YEARS...now we are trying to figure out how all the bills are going to get paid with just my income. He's supposed to get unemployment but that's not very much and now that we have a car payment it's a little harder. He actually got a call from the union last night that they had a job for him but it was temporary and it was in Santa Monica. He rushed to get the girls up at 4:00am took them to the babysitter which I am gonna have to pay her $20 for today and when he gets there they were like "no we don't need anyone today". So sucks. As I walked to my truck to get my cell phone out I wondered what was going on...what's up with the drama???
I know that I need to keep my faith in the Lord. I actually came here to write about how many people don't believe in God. I was reading something somewhere on Yahoo and read Leah Remini from King of Queens show, it's hilarious, and I know she had a baby so I went to her website to see if I could find pics of her daughter and her and ended up on a Q & A page where a fan asked her if she was a sci*entol*ogist like John Travolta and Tom Cruise and I thought "Yeah right! She's gonna bash this guy" then she went on to say that she WAS!! and has been one for years and that it has helped her spiritually..what??!! I was SO thrown off...I just closed the site and felt immense dissapointment. I just don't understand how someone can believe in that stuff that a MAN made up, a human, just like you and I. Then I have been reading this blog about a girl that has had 8 failed miscarriages and I thought that she was faily negative and said well "I haven't had 8 failed miscarriages so who knows if I would be that faithless" and I sorta knew I should not be reading that blog but I want to have Faith for her. I want to see her baby grow in her belly, and I kept looking for words like "I pray that this baby will be ok" but none of that appeared. Instead I read that she was into pa*ganism and was a no*n-christian. I was just like WHAT is up!??
I guess alot of the sermons I hear in church and the clips that brother Esposito shows us on what the world is coming to was sort of in my face. Don't get me wrong I am NOT bashing, hating or judging these people *I* just don't understand their views and I guess they would not understand mine. I know GOD is real because of what he has done in my life. Sure things like loosing jobs, money problems happen, but instead of me bashing and blaming God for it, I accept it, and I accept it as a test. God tests us constantly and I want to come out a believer of Christ no matter what. It's funny because someone would say (especially now) "Oh where's your God now?, why did your husband loose his job??" You know where He is? He is watching up in Heaven and I want to make Him see that I want to pass his test. I want to stay faithful and I want Him to Know that I believe that whatever we are going through is for a reason. And I tell you, it always is. ALWAYS. I see the true miracles He has done in my life, and never will Sc*iento*logy or paga*nist spirits or wi*ccans convince me that there is no God!!
"For I delivered unto you first of all that which I also received, how that Christ died for our sins according to the scriptures;"
1 Corinthians 15:3
So yesterday I had the biggest freak-out. I called my babysitter to let her know that my husband would be picking up my 1 year old from daycare as I was headed for the dentist to get my final tooth cap or whatever they call it on my tooth. So we hung up and all was well..that is until she calls me back and she says "You're not getting any fillings done at the dentist are you" and I said "no that's already been done". She was like "good because a friend of mine has a daughter that is autistic and they found high levels of mercury in her system so they think that this is why she is autistic". So I was like "no no I got my filling before I was pregnant"...so as I thought about it more and more, I started to panick because I was trying to think of WHEN I actually got my filling done on this root canal. So I dug up the receipt from that day and it said 2/3/06!!! I found out I was 5 weeks pregnant on 2/9/06!! So this whole time I am sorta freaking out, then I get to the dentist and while I was for 1 hour in the dentist chair for the dentist I read a sign over and over again "Root canal, and other misc. fillings may contain Mercury. Prop 65 reports that mercury in these fillings cause birth defects" blah blah blah...I sat there and thought about possibly having a child with birth defects or something like autism and I was scared initially but I had to say "Lord, I leave it all in your hands, you know what I can and cannot handle so let it be your will" I refuse to drive myself crazy with "what if's" for 26 more weeks. So I really felt God's hand on my heart and I felt better.
When the dentist came in I asked him "when did you actually fill IN the tooth, back in November when you initially did the root canal OR just this past February when you put the temporary tooth on there because I did not know I was pregnant the last time I came and I have been reading your signs about Mercury fillings etc". He said "no the filling I put in you does NOT contain Mercury. That also made me feel better. Thank you Jesus. This is not to say that I am going to have a "perfect" baby but that extra stuff is out of the way.
So anyway, I am super tired today. I went to bed early yesterday too and I am stil struggling to stay awake. I just got some coffee but coffee is nasty to me nowadays. I just basically drink it so I wake up. Anyway, it's raining where I work and not at my house. Weird. It's supposed to rain all day today and tomorrow. I can't wait for the summer now. Yeah right that's what I say now ;-)
God's Trade-In Plan
"He who finds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for My sake will find it."
Matthew 10:39
This is from Greg Laurie Daily Devotional
He is Worthy
"You are worthy, O Lord, to receive glory and honor and power; for You created all things, and by Your will they exist and were created."
Revelation 4:11
If you are not worshipping the true and living God, then you will worship a god of your own composition, or some false god. The problem with a false god is that it can't hear you. It can't see you. It is not aware of you. It is not real. It's a god of your own making.
But the true God, the living God, sees you. He knows about you. He cares about you. He hears you. And He is interested in you.
Our word "worship" comes from an old English word that could be translated "worth ship." In other words, we worship a God who is worth it. We worship Him because He is worthy. He deserves our praise. The gods of our own making will disappoint us. But the true God never will.
A number of words in the Bible are translated "worship." One means "to bow down and pay homage." Another word literally means, "to kiss toward." It is a word that conveys the idea of reverence. So putting these two words together, you get an idea of what worship is and what it should be. We worship God because He is worthy. And in doing so, we bow down and pay homage to Him. That speaks of reverence toward and respect for God. But we also kiss toward Him, which speaks of tenderness and worship. God wants us to reverence Him, to honor Him, and to be obedient to Him. But at the same time, He wants tender intimacy in our worship.
You should worship God because He is always worthy of your praise
Geeeeeeesh!!! I have been so totally dreading today. Well I did not know it till a few minutes ago...I NEED to start logging my foods into FitDay again. On Wednesday I have another doctors appointment and I am so scared of what the scale is going to read. I have been eating the WORST foods ever. Let me give you some examples: On Thursday night - Jack in the Box (I had a salad but those dressings are pretty fattening), on Friday I had a Salami sandwich with fatterning italian dressing and other misc. no no foods. On Saturday AM I had breakfast at Jack in the Box with Alexis, then for lunch me and Serg went to In N Out...THEN dinner THAT same day was Pizza Hut. Yep..I did so much damage on Saturday and that's not it folks, on Sunday we had a big breakfast (I cooked), fried country potatos, biscuits and gravy and a couple of strips of bacon. Pizza again at Brother Steve and Alma's house (my hubby was helping them fix toilet so they bought lunch), then we had fried chicken from Albertson's for dinner (our Bus kids performed so we bought them pizza and chicken) but I was SO pizza'd out we only had chicken and some potato salad.
Whew, typing all that made me tired. I don't think I have eaten that bad in a while. That's a whole lotta calories. Anyway I am going to force myself to enter in my daily food into FitDay EVERYDAY....I can't afford not too. The doctor is going to crack the whip on me on Wednesday I just know it. I am only 13 weeks pregnant and I have already gained what I wanted to gain the ENTIRE pregnancy. Sheesh...
Alright getting depressed and upset at myself. Gonna go fill up my water bottle and throw on a little bit of makeup cause I look very tired today.
Eternity in Our Hearts
"Oh come, let us worship and bow down; let us kneel before the Lord our Maker."
— Psalm 95:6
Man I was reading some of the subjects in my past posts and I just feel like it was so long ago. I think I am starting to feel the effects of being pregnant. My regular clothes are not starting to fit so comfortable :-( Maternity clothes look silly so I am going to go though the 2nd worst part of pregnancy. The "blah" phase. The first phase is the "UGH" phase where you are just throwing up and feeling like pure poop all day long. Now that I am feeling better, morning sickness wise, I am busting out of my clothes. People just think I am gaining weight cause the pregnancy belly is not yet very obvious.
Anyway, I am just being a big winer cause I am tired. OR maybe just lazy. I woke up twice last night and I was dying of thirst. I am going to try and drink lots of water today. I got up late AGAIN this morning and so now I am stuck at work longer. I have to talk to my boss about coming in on Saturday to make up some time missed during the week. It's Florence's babyshower this weekend and I had promised to come. I am going to also stop by Laura's house as she has not seen Alani in a long time. Then I was thinking of taking the girls to the animal farm on Tampa Blvd. I wanted to take pics of Alani on a pony. I wonder is she's going to freak or love it. Alexis used to love it. Alexis can't ride them anymore though, she's 9 (almost 10).
Well at least it's Friday and I can sleep in a little today. My hubby's mom is in town from Arizona so they will all be at my house today I am sure. I need to go home and clean it as soon as I get there. Sergio has been getting up late lately too and has not been helping me pick up and do the beds etc. so when I get home it's a disaster area. I was too tired to make dinner last night so I cleaned up and went to bed. I slept till we had to leave to church but we were all dragging. Church was great. Pastor is out of town but Bro. Steve did a great job. Ok well I guess that's it for now. God Bless.
True Believers
"Those who have been born into God's family do not sin, because God's life is in them. So they can't keep on sinning, because they have been born of God"
— 1 John 3:9
Gosh I have not posted in a while, and it's not like I haven't come here I just felt like I didn't have anything to talk about. I do have all sorts of stuff going on but I feel like this is more like my weight loss blog. I feel sort of helpless now that I am pregnant I can't post about working out like a dog or my great eating days.
So I was thinking, now that I have been officially been diagnosed with gestational diabetes (yes this early in pregnancy - 12 weeks now) I do need to keep track of my eating and I DO need to excercise so I am going to be back to posting daily if not two to three times a week. I brought a sandwhich on whole wheat with some Doritos. So the doritos are not the best but I need to put my eating plan together. The dietician gave me 2400 calories to work with per day. Which is a lot!! Compared to the 900-950 calories I was eating just recently. So anyway, I should be able to totally stick to that and enjoy my pregnancy at that. At this point as I get fatter, I mean, as my pregnancy progresses I will start insulin and will be moved over to the perinatologist that treated me with my 1.5 year old. He's prolly gonna be like "You again"? That's how I feel and I shouldn't. Like now that I am gonna start showing people at work especially are not going to SAY IT but I am sure they will THINK IT "didn't she just have a baby". Anyway, it's lunchtime and I am hungry so I am out for now.....will be back by Wednesday the latest. ;-)
Yesterday I had my first ultrasound for this pregnancy and it was great! I was so nervous that my hands were sweating. God had comforted me though and I knew everything was ok "in there" so I think I was more nervouse-excited to see my new baby for the first time ever. He/she is soooo small...and cute....but there it was...heartbeat beating nice and fast like it's supposed to be. It appears that I am actually only 9 weeks pregnant which means that I got pregnant the first week of 2006. Way to bring in the new year huh?
So my due date is 10/2/06. Looks like I am going to be pregnant 2 more weeks that I thought. I am pretty much expecting to be with the specialist during my pregnancy and I pretty much failed my glucose tolerance test at 9 weeks of pregnancy. You usually do not get tested for glucose until 28 weeks! So I was basically 20 weeks early in getting tested AND I failed. So the only good news about that is that I will be getting tons of ultrasounds all the time.
Weight wise I am now 213. I have still not been eating that great but I can tell that I am starting to feel less cravings for things. I am still going to continue to try and watch it on eating. I have to bring my lunch in versus eating crap during lunch. Anyway, I was off work yesterday to take care of my appointments so I have tons of e-mails to work on. Until later...
This morning I asked God for help in my eating. I have just been eating too much and not very healthy foods. Like last night I got up and made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and since we were fresh out of milk I poured myself a glass of grape/cranberry juice. I remember doing this when I was pregnant with Alani and I didn't like it very much. I stopped doing this of course after I started with the diabetic monitoring but in the beginning like the first 4 or 5 months of my pregnancy I put on an easy 15 poounds. I don't want to do that this time but if I continue like this I am going to end up there really quickly.
This morning I got up with the worst stomach ache (not baby stomach ache) and man..(warning gross post ahead)..I din't think a human body could hold this much gas. I was starting to get scared, it just would NOT stop!!! I got to work and BARELY made it to the bathroom and I am very happy to say that I feel SOOOO much better. I read that during pregnancy the digestive system slows quite a bit. I am starting to see that now.
I have TONS of frozen veggies in the fridge at home so I have healthy food. I just need to go and buy some salmon and some tri-tip steak so I can have my hubby BBQ it and I can have food for the week. I know tri-tip is higher in fat but it's delish and I figure if I eat that, it beats eating a cheeseburger, taco bell, chips and junk of that sort. I also have a huge bag of salad that's just sitting in the fridge....staring at me. So this weekend I think I will try and purchase these things so we don't go out to eat. My hubby has to work Saturday (tomorrow) so it looks like I am cleaning house and watching the girls.
Alexis has been really whinny lately and Alani is just driving me nuts, she's been sick though so she has an excuse but Alexis, she's just being whinny. I will probably take them to the park or out somewhere. All we have been doing all week is going home, cleaning, eating dinner, read our bible (most days) and go to bed. So I am sure they are tired of the routine. Maybe we will just walk to the park. That way I get a work out in there somewhere.
Alright well that's it I guess. Have a good weekend. This is the verse I really need to take it.
"I have not departed from the commandment of His lips; I have treasured the words of His mouth more than my necessary food."
— Job 23:12
So I often wondered how women would spend months and months, even years loosing weight, then once they got pregnant they gained it all back. I so understand how this can happen. I have been eating crappy since I found out I was pregnant. Not sure what the damage is until I weight myself on that digital scale at the doctors office. Ok so the #1 reason for me eating crappy is that I KNOW I will be put on the gestational diabetes diet within the next week or so. So I thought I would indulge until then. The problem with that is that I have felt like I was 4 months pregnant (well I might be) but still. I didn't feel 4 months pregnant on 2/10 so why should I feel like this 11 days later? Anyway, my bloating from all the crap that I ate is pretty much gone. I have been eating a little better the past 2 days. The problem has also been that we have been eating take-out SINCE 2/10. I am making an effort to start making our breakfast, lunch and dinners now. I am also going to continue walking with Laura during my 20 minute breaks so I am work out a little. Depending on the weight I did gain during my 10 day feasting, I only want to gain a total of 15 pounds. This way, when I give birth, all the weight will come off :-) Sounds nice, now let's see if this will happen.
Anyway, so much has happened since my my OB surprised me with "peanut". I ended up telling my boss, and she said that when things start to get tough, with my diabetes, blood pressure, to let her know, get a note from my doctor and she will let me work from home. OH MY SOUL! I was so surprised and thankful. The perks of working from home are this #1 - Get 2 more hours of sleep PER DAY #2 - Once I get off at 1:30, I am already at home! I don't need to commute for 1 or 2 hours. #3- Save about $400 a month on GAS. #4-mileage on my new Envoy (well it's a 2002 but it looks brand spankin new).
So my other blessing, was that we GOT a 2002 GMC Envoy. It's so the bomb! It has low mileage, it's got the whole shabang! (leather and electric everything). Like when I am backing up, the mirrors adjust so I can see the curb, the mirrors even have a defrost fuction! I must be ghetto cause I didn't even know this existed! I have a car payment now, but with our growing family I didn't have a choice we had to get a new car. Now all I am waiting to get is my first ultrasound which will confirm my due date and I get to see my new bubs heart beat and hopefully we will get to see him/her squirming around. I can't wait!!! March 1st is the date. I took my 1-Hour Glucose tolerance test yesterday and I think that's why I have a headache today and why I had one last night. Too much sugar at once. I have a nasty bluise where the lab tech drew my blood. I am not really afraid on needles but this one was honking HUGE! I have a bruise to prove it!
Yet another blessing!!!! I just listened to some of my 10 voicemails at work, and one of them was from a fundraiser we were using, I lagged a little on sending the materials back (what we didn't sell) and they were going to charge us $15 per book and I had like 100 of them!! Man I panicked so bad! We can't pay $1500!! After I got off that call I prayed and prayed and prayed! On the LOOOOONG drive home on Friday that's all I could think of and I knew that would happen but before I left work I said a heatfelt prayer to our Lord God and I searched scripture for a Word from Him, I NEEDED to hear from Him because I was on the verge of tears and breaking down, then he LITERALLY led me to 1 Kings 9:3 which is this (I am still in awe and I should be because HE is good!!):
"The LORD said to him:
"I have heard the prayer and plea you have made before me; I have consecrated this temple, which you have built, by putting my Name there forever. My eyes and my heart will always be there."
When I read this, I instantly felt the heavyness in my heart drop. I still fought thinking about it on my 3 hour drive home, but I knew He would be there, even if I did have to pay for it, He would be there to support me. Thank you God!
Man I feel great! I promised God that I will become a better Christian. I must. He has given so much to me already, even before I was born, and now this. I am just in awe of His greatness. I hope that anyone reading this will go to the "Plan of Salvation" link on the right, get right with God, accept Jesus as your Lord Savior and pray. Pray your heart out to Him and you will see great things from Him. THAT is guranteed. Live right and you will reap the rewards. YOU WILL HEAR FROM HIM.
God bless.
It's funny how you can get wrapped up in life's little details and not notice the obvious. I went to my OB appointment, met with the REALLY nice nurse, then met Dr. Nelson and she was a SHE....I still have a phobia with men OB's for some reason. Anyway, she walked in, introduced herself, we talked about my weight loss and I told her what my goal was, we discussed my PCOS for a second, I had my list ready you know. I was ready to get on this PCOS subject then she says "well you are going to have to put a hold on your weight loss and stop taking Metformin" and I thought "Oh no she's a crazy wack doctor) she continued...."because you are expecting". I SERIOUSLY SERIOUSLY almost passed out right there sitting on the examining table. My reply to her was "WHAT"!??!? I truly did not know what was happening. I was confused. How? Come again. I felt like saying...ok let's just pretend you didn't say that. Let me pee in that cup of yours again cause we weren't even going to do the pee test since I do not ovulate. But the nurse said, at the last minute, "well...um...let's just do one because that's protocal". I said "eh sure" sorta like "well ok but you're wasting your pregnancy test"......***sigh** and now here I am, pregnant.
I am gonna have 3 kids. WHOA. The thing is, God was preparing me for this news ALL week!! I was loading Alani's baby pics to FLIKR and I got kinda sad cause I know I would wait longer than I should to have another baby. She was so little! I know I would not take that step to trying again. So *I* think I am about 8 weeks pregnant, due date would be 9/17/06. Ok well I got work to do so will come back later.
I finally have my gyno appt. today. I am not looking forward to it but I am. Make sense? I have been really good about NOT weighing myself every day. I am avoiding it because I am trying to get out of my "down in the dumps" mood. I am not sure if the scale is causing it. I was not so sleepy yesterday which was good and I got some things done but I still can't wait for this weekend.
I was telling my husband that I felt like going to Ensenada Mexico or something. Just take a drive and get out of here for a day or two. He doesn't like Mexico too much though...he would go to like Puerto Vallarta or one of the nicer parts of Mexico but we would have to take a plane there and stay for at least 4 days. Ensenada is only 3 hours away so that is very do-able.
Well the missionaries are visiting our church from all over the world so I will be in church today, tomorrow and Sunday. Some people are going to be there Saturday but the girls need time with us so we are just gonna hang out with them. It's supposed to be really nice out so we might go to the beach and hang out. Not much is happening in my life right now. I created a MYspace website a while ago and I am not really attached to it. This is really the only place I come to vent and talk about real life issues. I just feel too exposed on MySpace. Plus whenever I do go on there, I sometimes visit old friends sites and they have tons of pics of them with Margarita's and beer in their hands and they appear to be having quite a good time. I sometimes I miss my old life. I miss it because now that we are Christians we CAN'T hang out with the old crowd. But then this morning I believe God spoke to me through this GREAT devotional....it hit the spot...THANK YOU JESUS FOR OPENING MY EYES!
Don't Look Back
But Jesus told him, "Anyone who puts a hand to the plow and then looks back is not fit for the Kingdom of God."
Luke 9:62
I find it interesting how we can look at the past through rose-colored glasses. Remember the children of Israel? They had been delivered from the tyranny and bondage of Egypt, where they had been slaves for years. They cried out to God for deliverance, and the Lord answered their prayers through a man named Moses.
As they were making their way through the wilderness, God supernaturally fed them with an incredible substance called manna. It was like bread from heaven. They had it daily for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. But after awhile, they got a little tired of it. They said, "We are sick of manna. We remember the good old days back in Egypt, where we used to eat garlic, leeks and onions. [Their breath must have really stunk, by the way.] Those were the good old days. . . . If we could only go back."
They spoke of the good old days, but they basically ate table scraps in Egypt, because they were slaves. Their lives were miserable. Yet in their imaginations, they had magnified these scraps to some sumptuous feast they had each and every day. They were not looking at the past accurately.
In the same way, the devil may remind you of the old days: "Remember the good old days? Remember the fun you used to have? Remember that old flame? If only you could reignite that." And suddenly you begin to think about it.
Don't build up the past in your mind. Remember it for what it was. Don't allow the enemy to pull you down by fantasizing about it. Protect your mind, and don't look back.
Ok so for the very first time this week...or actually EVER. I did not drink coffee this morning and BOY....that coffee helps me out more than I thought. I was SOOOO sleepy driving here AND I went to bed at 7:30 last night!!! I actually fell asleep AGAIN during our family bible reading time! Ugh...I feel bad. I read Matthew chapter 8 and Alexis and my husband took turns reading Matthew Chapter 9. Well by the time they finished, my head started to slide off my hand (which was holding my head up) and I woke up. I could tell Serg was a little annoyed..he said "babe you should go to bed". We made the effort to do our bible reading early so I would NOT fall asleep and I still did. I don't know WHAT is wrong with me. Man tomorrow cannot come fast enough. I have my doctors appointment and I am going to have a slew of blood work done.
For a change, I went for a 1 mile walk with Laura yesterday and plan to do it all week - we took a 1/2 break and went for it. It felt good but I didn't stretch afterwards and I woke up a few times last night with leg cramps.
I also had THE stangest dream...it's hard to explain, but all I remember is seeing me face, with a white tag or label sticking out from the side that read "FAITH". I do struggle with having Faith a lot and I think this was a message from God for me. So today I am going to read scriptures from the bible about having more faith and strengthening my faith.
I added a FLIKR picture thing to my blog...I love going to other blogs and looking at pics...gives me more of a reason to READ the blog..cause you have a visual of that person. I dunno, maybe that's just me.
I've been super busy at work this week so my time on blog reading has really been non existent most of the time. Sometimes I add others blogs to my favorites and I visit them a few times a week. If I really like them I will add them to my blog reads BUT I have found that many people only come to their blog like 1 a month...so I will usually scrap those. Anyway, I have to unfortunately get back to work. Will chat later. Ta ta..
I was off on Friday - I went to a 9am dentist appointment for myself and what I thought was going to be a 20 minute visit was actually a two hour visit. I thought my whole root canal experiece was over with. I was supposed to get "fitted" for a crown...and they still ended up torturing me and I still got stuck with a needle and all that. I saw the assistant set out a tray with a grip of stuff and I must of had a HUGE question mark on my face cause she sat there and told me what was going to happen. SO I am still not done. I have to go back in 2 weeks AGAIN to get my crown put on. I have only EVER had 3 cavities so this has been quite an experience.
I was late taking Alexis to her Ortho appointment and since I kept her home from school to specifically get her to her Orthodontist I was very PEEVED to say the least to be getting there late. The girl got me in though so I was thankful to God that they did not turn us away. The thing that annoyed me is that the dentist that worked on Alexis was mean to her. She was very rude and it's been bugging me. When I got there, I noticed that she was having "words" with the staff there. I thought that was quite unprofessional. That seems to be the norm nowadays. I went to my dentist office and it was the same there! Office catfights. So immature. Anyway, I am debating whethere I should complain about this dentist. I don't want her working on Alexis. So I think I might call and specifically request that Alexis does NOT get this dentist next time.
I feel like crap today (yes again). Last week I didn't work out at ALL. I worked out a schedule with Serg on the days I would be working out. I ate badly this weekend. I got sick to my stomach this morning. With this medicine, you sorta feel like you are in the pregnant "morning sickness" stage. It sucks. As I was urling this morning I asked "am I pregnant"? but I remembered that I used to throw up morning after morning for a couple of weeks. I have just been nauseous 24/7.
I have also been hurting spiritually. We go to a Baptist fundamental church and my friend goes to a non-denominational church. There is a lot of opposition to Baptist churches. It makes me sick that because we go to this baptist church we are being "flagged" as religious and basically being told that we are wrong in belonging to our church and for having our daughter in the school. I want to say that right now I am angry. I did not actually start feeling this way until this morning. I just feel like this friend threw out a few scriptures about how God will basically "punish" us for not listening to her. I am going to have to pray hard because all this type of drama, I believe, pushes people away from God. I mean it has to!! It's so dramatic and can easily confuse anyone and make them run away from God. There are these ugly fights amongst christians and it's just such a turn off. Let me just stop there. Alright, well I need to work out hard this week. I need it for my sanity. I will weigh in on Wednesday.
"For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he." (Proverbs 23:7)
**Grosse Post warning**
Ok so yesterday I got my meds and I began taking them today. 1500mg of Metformin. I am getting ready for the diarhea to start kicken in. I am supposed to have it for at least 3 days OR I will get it when I have too many carbs. I will visit the doctor on 2/9. He may adjust the meds. I am going to ask him about another med that is supposed to work great with Metformin so we will see how it goes. I feel a lot better today. I did my taxes last night and did not get as much as I did last year but I thank GOD I am getting some money. It all goes to bills but that's ok.
Tonight is church and I am nervous since my stomach is not very stable. I would just stay home BUT we have a guest preacher speaking today, Dr. Phil Kidd and he is pretty darn good. We heard a sermon CD someone gave us and he was funny and it really spoke to me. So listening to him live will be a treat. We have to get there early as well as there is going to be 5 other churches coming to see him there. WHOA. Our church already gets packed out as it is. I am wondering where all these people are going to sit?
Anyway, well I have tons of work to do today and I have to kick butt as I am OFF tomorrow. HURRRR - AYYYY. That will be nice. 3 day weekend for a change.
I got home from work yesterday and my husband had cleaned my house! For once I didn't have to hurry & change out of my work clothes, start cleaning up & feed Alani (she's always starving when we get home). As I sat there chatting with him, I started to doze off. He suggested I go and take a much deserved nap. Well that 30 minute planned nap turned into 2 hours!! He was doing something to the truck (oil changing and all that sorta stuff) and took my little one with him so I would not wake up. Isn't he the best? He knows I just haven't been myself this week. I look terrible. Today I look *ok* but I still look like crap. Anyway, after the nap I made spaghetti for dinner. I ate spaghetti too, BUT, I made mine with a lower calorie spaghetti sauce and low carb wheat pasta. I used ground turkey breast. I baked a strawberry bundt cake for Alexis and the hubby (ok I had a small itty bitty slice and like 3 oz of milk) OH and I made them some garlic bread (for them). I was actually not even tempted. The cake, I could of done without but I was like *eh what the heck.
So today I am in a flippen bad mood. What is up with me? I just wrote in my "thank you Jesus" notebook and I seriously need His guidance in getting out of this horrid mentality. I sorta feel like I am making myself depressed for no apparant reason! It's like "WHAT IS UP"??
Today I am making myself take a walk. I need SOME sort of workout. A nice long walk sounds good. This will give me some time to reflect on what is going on with me. I blamed it on being tired, so fine I got some rest and now I am in a bad mood!! I am mad at myself can you tell? Well it's not going to get any better by me complaining. It's time to do something about it. My meds are almost here, hopefully today. I can't wait!
Yes I am tired today. I was reading the PCOS boards yesterday and they mentioned that cutting coffee (caffeine) from your diet is a good idea as it throws off insulin.
Get rid of coffee? Will I stay awake while I drive my one hour commute at 3:50am 5 days a week? Sounded upsurd, that is, until I brushed my hair this morning and SO much came out. Like I said, I am not bald, my hair is down to my waist and I expect to see a lot of hair on my brush because of that, but this morning there was more hair on my brush than usual.
The coffemaker had already brewed coffee and my hubby got up at 3:30 or so to sit with me a while and have a cup of coffee so I went ahead today and just had some. I am scared of the migraine headaches that I am gonna get after I stop takin in the caffeine though. I have been a migraine sufferer in the past and so I am not looking forward to gettin' one. Oh well.
I talked with my mom yesterday, and she so happens to have Metformin becuase she has diabetes and those were one of her meds (this medicine is used to treat PCOS) and so she is sending me some so I can get some relief from these symptons while I wait till the Dr. gives them to me on 2/9.
I was *this* close to weighing myself yesterday but I did not feel like being depressed. Mind you, I was very good all day (except that I did not work out like I planned). My husband got home late and I had to leave to church for the Ladies Missionary circle to make gift boxes for the visiting missionaries this week. Then after that meeting we had our Stampt It Up club meeting where we make cards for ourselves and donate some for the missionaries and the pastors. Anyway, these cards are beautiful and you can get quite creative. I will take a picture of my first card and post it here.
Alright well, gotta fill up my water jug and start working. I need a nap already and it's only 6:00AM.
I pretty much sucked at my eating this weekend. Well I can't really say that. I ate Pizza Friday night (when I said I was going to skip the weekend indulgence), Saturday I stuck to my eating plan, except for I had 2 or 3 corn tortillas too many. THEN on Sunday, that's when I really blew it. I ate Jack in the Box. It's been a while since I have eaten a burger. I WAS going to eat a salad but the salad dressing choices they had made me go for the less fattening burger. I feel like absolute crap this morning though. I feel like I have a hangover. Seriously, and I don't drink at all (of course!). I was sluggish getting out of bed, I was not in a very good mood AT ALL.
Last night I got my clothes ready for work. I put them on this morning and my blouse was HUGE. It was so loose that I had to change my outfit. I was happy about that but mad that I had to change. I wore an outfit that my fat usedd to to bust out of. Now I fit into it very comfortably. I used to have to wear an undershirt, leave the buttons open and wear it sorta like a cardigan because the buttons looked like they were going to BUST any second now.
Anyway, I didn't bother weighing myself this morning. I really thought about my weight this weekend (even before Jack in the Box) and I realized that I need to give more to God. I am going to continue eating right, I am going to begin working out with weights this week (i have a workout plan written down) and intensive cardio every other day. When I say MORE to God, I mean more time during my day to listen to sermons, more time reading the bible. Right now our Family is in dire need to hear from him on a few things when it comes to our spiritual life and I need to drench myself in His Word. My obsession with weight loss this week and maybe next stops for a while. I believe this will help make me stronger in my Faith in this weight loss mission as well.
My spirit is weak and I know who I need to seek. I will continue to take a few minutes each day to plan my meals on Fit Day so I stay on target. I am not weighing myself again until Saturday and I will post my results. God Bless:
"Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed" Proverbs 16:3
