This is from Greg Laurie Daily Devotional
He is Worthy
"You are worthy, O Lord, to receive glory and honor and power; for You created all things, and by Your will they exist and were created."
Revelation 4:11
If you are not worshipping the true and living God, then you will worship a god of your own composition, or some false god. The problem with a false god is that it can't hear you. It can't see you. It is not aware of you. It is not real. It's a god of your own making.
But the true God, the living God, sees you. He knows about you. He cares about you. He hears you. And He is interested in you.
Our word "worship" comes from an old English word that could be translated "worth ship." In other words, we worship a God who is worth it. We worship Him because He is worthy. He deserves our praise. The gods of our own making will disappoint us. But the true God never will.
A number of words in the Bible are translated "worship." One means "to bow down and pay homage." Another word literally means, "to kiss toward." It is a word that conveys the idea of reverence. So putting these two words together, you get an idea of what worship is and what it should be. We worship God because He is worthy. And in doing so, we bow down and pay homage to Him. That speaks of reverence toward and respect for God. But we also kiss toward Him, which speaks of tenderness and worship. God wants us to reverence Him, to honor Him, and to be obedient to Him. But at the same time, He wants tender intimacy in our worship.
You should worship God because He is always worthy of your praise
Geeeeeeesh!!! I have been so totally dreading today. Well I did not know it till a few minutes ago...I NEED to start logging my foods into FitDay again. On Wednesday I have another doctors appointment and I am so scared of what the scale is going to read. I have been eating the WORST foods ever. Let me give you some examples: On Thursday night - Jack in the Box (I had a salad but those dressings are pretty fattening), on Friday I had a Salami sandwich with fatterning italian dressing and other misc. no no foods. On Saturday AM I had breakfast at Jack in the Box with Alexis, then for lunch me and Serg went to In N Out...THEN dinner THAT same day was Pizza Hut. Yep..I did so much damage on Saturday and that's not it folks, on Sunday we had a big breakfast (I cooked), fried country potatos, biscuits and gravy and a couple of strips of bacon. Pizza again at Brother Steve and Alma's house (my hubby was helping them fix toilet so they bought lunch), then we had fried chicken from Albertson's for dinner (our Bus kids performed so we bought them pizza and chicken) but I was SO pizza'd out we only had chicken and some potato salad.
Whew, typing all that made me tired. I don't think I have eaten that bad in a while. That's a whole lotta calories. Anyway I am going to force myself to enter in my daily food into FitDay EVERYDAY....I can't afford not too. The doctor is going to crack the whip on me on Wednesday I just know it. I am only 13 weeks pregnant and I have already gained what I wanted to gain the ENTIRE pregnancy. Sheesh...
Alright getting depressed and upset at myself. Gonna go fill up my water bottle and throw on a little bit of makeup cause I look very tired today.
Eternity in Our Hearts
"Oh come, let us worship and bow down; let us kneel before the Lord our Maker."
— Psalm 95:6
Man I was reading some of the subjects in my past posts and I just feel like it was so long ago. I think I am starting to feel the effects of being pregnant. My regular clothes are not starting to fit so comfortable :-( Maternity clothes look silly so I am going to go though the 2nd worst part of pregnancy. The "blah" phase. The first phase is the "UGH" phase where you are just throwing up and feeling like pure poop all day long. Now that I am feeling better, morning sickness wise, I am busting out of my clothes. People just think I am gaining weight cause the pregnancy belly is not yet very obvious.
Anyway, I am just being a big winer cause I am tired. OR maybe just lazy. I woke up twice last night and I was dying of thirst. I am going to try and drink lots of water today. I got up late AGAIN this morning and so now I am stuck at work longer. I have to talk to my boss about coming in on Saturday to make up some time missed during the week. It's Florence's babyshower this weekend and I had promised to come. I am going to also stop by Laura's house as she has not seen Alani in a long time. Then I was thinking of taking the girls to the animal farm on Tampa Blvd. I wanted to take pics of Alani on a pony. I wonder is she's going to freak or love it. Alexis used to love it. Alexis can't ride them anymore though, she's 9 (almost 10).
Well at least it's Friday and I can sleep in a little today. My hubby's mom is in town from Arizona so they will all be at my house today I am sure. I need to go home and clean it as soon as I get there. Sergio has been getting up late lately too and has not been helping me pick up and do the beds etc. so when I get home it's a disaster area. I was too tired to make dinner last night so I cleaned up and went to bed. I slept till we had to leave to church but we were all dragging. Church was great. Pastor is out of town but Bro. Steve did a great job. Ok well I guess that's it for now. God Bless.
True Believers
"Those who have been born into God's family do not sin, because God's life is in them. So they can't keep on sinning, because they have been born of God"
— 1 John 3:9
Gosh I have not posted in a while, and it's not like I haven't come here I just felt like I didn't have anything to talk about. I do have all sorts of stuff going on but I feel like this is more like my weight loss blog. I feel sort of helpless now that I am pregnant I can't post about working out like a dog or my great eating days.
So I was thinking, now that I have been officially been diagnosed with gestational diabetes (yes this early in pregnancy - 12 weeks now) I do need to keep track of my eating and I DO need to excercise so I am going to be back to posting daily if not two to three times a week. I brought a sandwhich on whole wheat with some Doritos. So the doritos are not the best but I need to put my eating plan together. The dietician gave me 2400 calories to work with per day. Which is a lot!! Compared to the 900-950 calories I was eating just recently. So anyway, I should be able to totally stick to that and enjoy my pregnancy at that. At this point as I get fatter, I mean, as my pregnancy progresses I will start insulin and will be moved over to the perinatologist that treated me with my 1.5 year old. He's prolly gonna be like "You again"? That's how I feel and I shouldn't. Like now that I am gonna start showing people at work especially are not going to SAY IT but I am sure they will THINK IT "didn't she just have a baby". Anyway, it's lunchtime and I am hungry so I am out for now.....will be back by Wednesday the latest. ;-)
Yesterday I had my first ultrasound for this pregnancy and it was great! I was so nervous that my hands were sweating. God had comforted me though and I knew everything was ok "in there" so I think I was more nervouse-excited to see my new baby for the first time ever. He/she is soooo small...and cute....but there it was...heartbeat beating nice and fast like it's supposed to be. It appears that I am actually only 9 weeks pregnant which means that I got pregnant the first week of 2006. Way to bring in the new year huh?
So my due date is 10/2/06. Looks like I am going to be pregnant 2 more weeks that I thought. I am pretty much expecting to be with the specialist during my pregnancy and I pretty much failed my glucose tolerance test at 9 weeks of pregnancy. You usually do not get tested for glucose until 28 weeks! So I was basically 20 weeks early in getting tested AND I failed. So the only good news about that is that I will be getting tons of ultrasounds all the time.
Weight wise I am now 213. I have still not been eating that great but I can tell that I am starting to feel less cravings for things. I am still going to continue to try and watch it on eating. I have to bring my lunch in versus eating crap during lunch. Anyway, I was off work yesterday to take care of my appointments so I have tons of e-mails to work on. Until later...
This morning I asked God for help in my eating. I have just been eating too much and not very healthy foods. Like last night I got up and made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and since we were fresh out of milk I poured myself a glass of grape/cranberry juice. I remember doing this when I was pregnant with Alani and I didn't like it very much. I stopped doing this of course after I started with the diabetic monitoring but in the beginning like the first 4 or 5 months of my pregnancy I put on an easy 15 poounds. I don't want to do that this time but if I continue like this I am going to end up there really quickly.
This morning I got up with the worst stomach ache (not baby stomach ache) and man..(warning gross post ahead)..I din't think a human body could hold this much gas. I was starting to get scared, it just would NOT stop!!! I got to work and BARELY made it to the bathroom and I am very happy to say that I feel SOOOO much better. I read that during pregnancy the digestive system slows quite a bit. I am starting to see that now.
I have TONS of frozen veggies in the fridge at home so I have healthy food. I just need to go and buy some salmon and some tri-tip steak so I can have my hubby BBQ it and I can have food for the week. I know tri-tip is higher in fat but it's delish and I figure if I eat that, it beats eating a cheeseburger, taco bell, chips and junk of that sort. I also have a huge bag of salad that's just sitting in the fridge....staring at me. So this weekend I think I will try and purchase these things so we don't go out to eat. My hubby has to work Saturday (tomorrow) so it looks like I am cleaning house and watching the girls.
Alexis has been really whinny lately and Alani is just driving me nuts, she's been sick though so she has an excuse but Alexis, she's just being whinny. I will probably take them to the park or out somewhere. All we have been doing all week is going home, cleaning, eating dinner, read our bible (most days) and go to bed. So I am sure they are tired of the routine. Maybe we will just walk to the park. That way I get a work out in there somewhere.
Alright well that's it I guess. Have a good weekend. This is the verse I really need to take it.
"I have not departed from the commandment of His lips; I have treasured the words of His mouth more than my necessary food."
— Job 23:12
So I often wondered how women would spend months and months, even years loosing weight, then once they got pregnant they gained it all back. I so understand how this can happen. I have been eating crappy since I found out I was pregnant. Not sure what the damage is until I weight myself on that digital scale at the doctors office. Ok so the #1 reason for me eating crappy is that I KNOW I will be put on the gestational diabetes diet within the next week or so. So I thought I would indulge until then. The problem with that is that I have felt like I was 4 months pregnant (well I might be) but still. I didn't feel 4 months pregnant on 2/10 so why should I feel like this 11 days later? Anyway, my bloating from all the crap that I ate is pretty much gone. I have been eating a little better the past 2 days. The problem has also been that we have been eating take-out SINCE 2/10. I am making an effort to start making our breakfast, lunch and dinners now. I am also going to continue walking with Laura during my 20 minute breaks so I am work out a little. Depending on the weight I did gain during my 10 day feasting, I only want to gain a total of 15 pounds. This way, when I give birth, all the weight will come off :-) Sounds nice, now let's see if this will happen.
Anyway, so much has happened since my my OB surprised me with "peanut". I ended up telling my boss, and she said that when things start to get tough, with my diabetes, blood pressure, to let her know, get a note from my doctor and she will let me work from home. OH MY SOUL! I was so surprised and thankful. The perks of working from home are this #1 - Get 2 more hours of sleep PER DAY #2 - Once I get off at 1:30, I am already at home! I don't need to commute for 1 or 2 hours. #3- Save about $400 a month on GAS. #4-mileage on my new Envoy (well it's a 2002 but it looks brand spankin new).
So my other blessing, was that we GOT a 2002 GMC Envoy. It's so the bomb! It has low mileage, it's got the whole shabang! (leather and electric everything). Like when I am backing up, the mirrors adjust so I can see the curb, the mirrors even have a defrost fuction! I must be ghetto cause I didn't even know this existed! I have a car payment now, but with our growing family I didn't have a choice we had to get a new car. Now all I am waiting to get is my first ultrasound which will confirm my due date and I get to see my new bubs heart beat and hopefully we will get to see him/her squirming around. I can't wait!!! March 1st is the date. I took my 1-Hour Glucose tolerance test yesterday and I think that's why I have a headache today and why I had one last night. Too much sugar at once. I have a nasty bluise where the lab tech drew my blood. I am not really afraid on needles but this one was honking HUGE! I have a bruise to prove it!
Yet another blessing!!!! I just listened to some of my 10 voicemails at work, and one of them was from a fundraiser we were using, I lagged a little on sending the materials back (what we didn't sell) and they were going to charge us $15 per book and I had like 100 of them!! Man I panicked so bad! We can't pay $1500!! After I got off that call I prayed and prayed and prayed! On the LOOOOONG drive home on Friday that's all I could think of and I knew that would happen but before I left work I said a heatfelt prayer to our Lord God and I searched scripture for a Word from Him, I NEEDED to hear from Him because I was on the verge of tears and breaking down, then he LITERALLY led me to 1 Kings 9:3 which is this (I am still in awe and I should be because HE is good!!):
"The LORD said to him:
"I have heard the prayer and plea you have made before me; I have consecrated this temple, which you have built, by putting my Name there forever. My eyes and my heart will always be there."
When I read this, I instantly felt the heavyness in my heart drop. I still fought thinking about it on my 3 hour drive home, but I knew He would be there, even if I did have to pay for it, He would be there to support me. Thank you God!
Man I feel great! I promised God that I will become a better Christian. I must. He has given so much to me already, even before I was born, and now this. I am just in awe of His greatness. I hope that anyone reading this will go to the "Plan of Salvation" link on the right, get right with God, accept Jesus as your Lord Savior and pray. Pray your heart out to Him and you will see great things from Him. THAT is guranteed. Live right and you will reap the rewards. YOU WILL HEAR FROM HIM.
God bless.
It's funny how you can get wrapped up in life's little details and not notice the obvious. I went to my OB appointment, met with the REALLY nice nurse, then met Dr. Nelson and she was a SHE....I still have a phobia with men OB's for some reason. Anyway, she walked in, introduced herself, we talked about my weight loss and I told her what my goal was, we discussed my PCOS for a second, I had my list ready you know. I was ready to get on this PCOS subject then she says "well you are going to have to put a hold on your weight loss and stop taking Metformin" and I thought "Oh no she's a crazy wack doctor) she continued...."because you are expecting". I SERIOUSLY SERIOUSLY almost passed out right there sitting on the examining table. My reply to her was "WHAT"!??!? I truly did not know what was happening. I was confused. How? Come again. I felt like saying...ok let's just pretend you didn't say that. Let me pee in that cup of yours again cause we weren't even going to do the pee test since I do not ovulate. But the nurse said, at the last minute, "well...um...let's just do one because that's protocal". I said "eh sure" sorta like "well ok but you're wasting your pregnancy test"......***sigh** and now here I am, pregnant.
I am gonna have 3 kids. WHOA. The thing is, God was preparing me for this news ALL week!! I was loading Alani's baby pics to FLIKR and I got kinda sad cause I know I would wait longer than I should to have another baby. She was so little! I know I would not take that step to trying again. So *I* think I am about 8 weeks pregnant, due date would be 9/17/06. Ok well I got work to do so will come back later.
I finally have my gyno appt. today. I am not looking forward to it but I am. Make sense? I have been really good about NOT weighing myself every day. I am avoiding it because I am trying to get out of my "down in the dumps" mood. I am not sure if the scale is causing it. I was not so sleepy yesterday which was good and I got some things done but I still can't wait for this weekend.
I was telling my husband that I felt like going to Ensenada Mexico or something. Just take a drive and get out of here for a day or two. He doesn't like Mexico too much though...he would go to like Puerto Vallarta or one of the nicer parts of Mexico but we would have to take a plane there and stay for at least 4 days. Ensenada is only 3 hours away so that is very do-able.
Well the missionaries are visiting our church from all over the world so I will be in church today, tomorrow and Sunday. Some people are going to be there Saturday but the girls need time with us so we are just gonna hang out with them. It's supposed to be really nice out so we might go to the beach and hang out. Not much is happening in my life right now. I created a MYspace website a while ago and I am not really attached to it. This is really the only place I come to vent and talk about real life issues. I just feel too exposed on MySpace. Plus whenever I do go on there, I sometimes visit old friends sites and they have tons of pics of them with Margarita's and beer in their hands and they appear to be having quite a good time. I sometimes I miss my old life. I miss it because now that we are Christians we CAN'T hang out with the old crowd. But then this morning I believe God spoke to me through this GREAT devotional....it hit the spot...THANK YOU JESUS FOR OPENING MY EYES!
Don't Look Back
But Jesus told him, "Anyone who puts a hand to the plow and then looks back is not fit for the Kingdom of God."
Luke 9:62
I find it interesting how we can look at the past through rose-colored glasses. Remember the children of Israel? They had been delivered from the tyranny and bondage of Egypt, where they had been slaves for years. They cried out to God for deliverance, and the Lord answered their prayers through a man named Moses.
As they were making their way through the wilderness, God supernaturally fed them with an incredible substance called manna. It was like bread from heaven. They had it daily for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. But after awhile, they got a little tired of it. They said, "We are sick of manna. We remember the good old days back in Egypt, where we used to eat garlic, leeks and onions. [Their breath must have really stunk, by the way.] Those were the good old days. . . . If we could only go back."
They spoke of the good old days, but they basically ate table scraps in Egypt, because they were slaves. Their lives were miserable. Yet in their imaginations, they had magnified these scraps to some sumptuous feast they had each and every day. They were not looking at the past accurately.
In the same way, the devil may remind you of the old days: "Remember the good old days? Remember the fun you used to have? Remember that old flame? If only you could reignite that." And suddenly you begin to think about it.
Don't build up the past in your mind. Remember it for what it was. Don't allow the enemy to pull you down by fantasizing about it. Protect your mind, and don't look back.
Ok so for the very first time this week...or actually EVER. I did not drink coffee this morning and BOY....that coffee helps me out more than I thought. I was SOOOO sleepy driving here AND I went to bed at 7:30 last night!!! I actually fell asleep AGAIN during our family bible reading time! Ugh...I feel bad. I read Matthew chapter 8 and Alexis and my husband took turns reading Matthew Chapter 9. Well by the time they finished, my head started to slide off my hand (which was holding my head up) and I woke up. I could tell Serg was a little annoyed..he said "babe you should go to bed". We made the effort to do our bible reading early so I would NOT fall asleep and I still did. I don't know WHAT is wrong with me. Man tomorrow cannot come fast enough. I have my doctors appointment and I am going to have a slew of blood work done.
For a change, I went for a 1 mile walk with Laura yesterday and plan to do it all week - we took a 1/2 break and went for it. It felt good but I didn't stretch afterwards and I woke up a few times last night with leg cramps.
I also had THE stangest dream...it's hard to explain, but all I remember is seeing me face, with a white tag or label sticking out from the side that read "FAITH". I do struggle with having Faith a lot and I think this was a message from God for me. So today I am going to read scriptures from the bible about having more faith and strengthening my faith.
I added a FLIKR picture thing to my blog...I love going to other blogs and looking at pics...gives me more of a reason to READ the blog..cause you have a visual of that person. I dunno, maybe that's just me.
I've been super busy at work this week so my time on blog reading has really been non existent most of the time. Sometimes I add others blogs to my favorites and I visit them a few times a week. If I really like them I will add them to my blog reads BUT I have found that many people only come to their blog like 1 a month...so I will usually scrap those. Anyway, I have to unfortunately get back to work. Will chat later. Ta ta..
I was off on Friday - I went to a 9am dentist appointment for myself and what I thought was going to be a 20 minute visit was actually a two hour visit. I thought my whole root canal experiece was over with. I was supposed to get "fitted" for a crown...and they still ended up torturing me and I still got stuck with a needle and all that. I saw the assistant set out a tray with a grip of stuff and I must of had a HUGE question mark on my face cause she sat there and told me what was going to happen. SO I am still not done. I have to go back in 2 weeks AGAIN to get my crown put on. I have only EVER had 3 cavities so this has been quite an experience.
I was late taking Alexis to her Ortho appointment and since I kept her home from school to specifically get her to her Orthodontist I was very PEEVED to say the least to be getting there late. The girl got me in though so I was thankful to God that they did not turn us away. The thing that annoyed me is that the dentist that worked on Alexis was mean to her. She was very rude and it's been bugging me. When I got there, I noticed that she was having "words" with the staff there. I thought that was quite unprofessional. That seems to be the norm nowadays. I went to my dentist office and it was the same there! Office catfights. So immature. Anyway, I am debating whethere I should complain about this dentist. I don't want her working on Alexis. So I think I might call and specifically request that Alexis does NOT get this dentist next time.
I feel like crap today (yes again). Last week I didn't work out at ALL. I worked out a schedule with Serg on the days I would be working out. I ate badly this weekend. I got sick to my stomach this morning. With this medicine, you sorta feel like you are in the pregnant "morning sickness" stage. It sucks. As I was urling this morning I asked "am I pregnant"? but I remembered that I used to throw up morning after morning for a couple of weeks. I have just been nauseous 24/7.
I have also been hurting spiritually. We go to a Baptist fundamental church and my friend goes to a non-denominational church. There is a lot of opposition to Baptist churches. It makes me sick that because we go to this baptist church we are being "flagged" as religious and basically being told that we are wrong in belonging to our church and for having our daughter in the school. I want to say that right now I am angry. I did not actually start feeling this way until this morning. I just feel like this friend threw out a few scriptures about how God will basically "punish" us for not listening to her. I am going to have to pray hard because all this type of drama, I believe, pushes people away from God. I mean it has to!! It's so dramatic and can easily confuse anyone and make them run away from God. There are these ugly fights amongst christians and it's just such a turn off. Let me just stop there. Alright, well I need to work out hard this week. I need it for my sanity. I will weigh in on Wednesday.
"For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he." (Proverbs 23:7)
**Grosse Post warning**
Ok so yesterday I got my meds and I began taking them today. 1500mg of Metformin. I am getting ready for the diarhea to start kicken in. I am supposed to have it for at least 3 days OR I will get it when I have too many carbs. I will visit the doctor on 2/9. He may adjust the meds. I am going to ask him about another med that is supposed to work great with Metformin so we will see how it goes. I feel a lot better today. I did my taxes last night and did not get as much as I did last year but I thank GOD I am getting some money. It all goes to bills but that's ok.
Tonight is church and I am nervous since my stomach is not very stable. I would just stay home BUT we have a guest preacher speaking today, Dr. Phil Kidd and he is pretty darn good. We heard a sermon CD someone gave us and he was funny and it really spoke to me. So listening to him live will be a treat. We have to get there early as well as there is going to be 5 other churches coming to see him there. WHOA. Our church already gets packed out as it is. I am wondering where all these people are going to sit?
Anyway, well I have tons of work to do today and I have to kick butt as I am OFF tomorrow. HURRRR - AYYYY. That will be nice. 3 day weekend for a change.
I got home from work yesterday and my husband had cleaned my house! For once I didn't have to hurry & change out of my work clothes, start cleaning up & feed Alani (she's always starving when we get home). As I sat there chatting with him, I started to doze off. He suggested I go and take a much deserved nap. Well that 30 minute planned nap turned into 2 hours!! He was doing something to the truck (oil changing and all that sorta stuff) and took my little one with him so I would not wake up. Isn't he the best? He knows I just haven't been myself this week. I look terrible. Today I look *ok* but I still look like crap. Anyway, after the nap I made spaghetti for dinner. I ate spaghetti too, BUT, I made mine with a lower calorie spaghetti sauce and low carb wheat pasta. I used ground turkey breast. I baked a strawberry bundt cake for Alexis and the hubby (ok I had a small itty bitty slice and like 3 oz of milk) OH and I made them some garlic bread (for them). I was actually not even tempted. The cake, I could of done without but I was like *eh what the heck.
So today I am in a flippen bad mood. What is up with me? I just wrote in my "thank you Jesus" notebook and I seriously need His guidance in getting out of this horrid mentality. I sorta feel like I am making myself depressed for no apparant reason! It's like "WHAT IS UP"??
Today I am making myself take a walk. I need SOME sort of workout. A nice long walk sounds good. This will give me some time to reflect on what is going on with me. I blamed it on being tired, so fine I got some rest and now I am in a bad mood!! I am mad at myself can you tell? Well it's not going to get any better by me complaining. It's time to do something about it. My meds are almost here, hopefully today. I can't wait!
Yes I am tired today. I was reading the PCOS boards yesterday and they mentioned that cutting coffee (caffeine) from your diet is a good idea as it throws off insulin.
Get rid of coffee? Will I stay awake while I drive my one hour commute at 3:50am 5 days a week? Sounded upsurd, that is, until I brushed my hair this morning and SO much came out. Like I said, I am not bald, my hair is down to my waist and I expect to see a lot of hair on my brush because of that, but this morning there was more hair on my brush than usual.
The coffemaker had already brewed coffee and my hubby got up at 3:30 or so to sit with me a while and have a cup of coffee so I went ahead today and just had some. I am scared of the migraine headaches that I am gonna get after I stop takin in the caffeine though. I have been a migraine sufferer in the past and so I am not looking forward to gettin' one. Oh well.
I talked with my mom yesterday, and she so happens to have Metformin becuase she has diabetes and those were one of her meds (this medicine is used to treat PCOS) and so she is sending me some so I can get some relief from these symptons while I wait till the Dr. gives them to me on 2/9.
I was *this* close to weighing myself yesterday but I did not feel like being depressed. Mind you, I was very good all day (except that I did not work out like I planned). My husband got home late and I had to leave to church for the Ladies Missionary circle to make gift boxes for the visiting missionaries this week. Then after that meeting we had our Stampt It Up club meeting where we make cards for ourselves and donate some for the missionaries and the pastors. Anyway, these cards are beautiful and you can get quite creative. I will take a picture of my first card and post it here.
Alright well, gotta fill up my water jug and start working. I need a nap already and it's only 6:00AM.
I pretty much sucked at my eating this weekend. Well I can't really say that. I ate Pizza Friday night (when I said I was going to skip the weekend indulgence), Saturday I stuck to my eating plan, except for I had 2 or 3 corn tortillas too many. THEN on Sunday, that's when I really blew it. I ate Jack in the Box. It's been a while since I have eaten a burger. I WAS going to eat a salad but the salad dressing choices they had made me go for the less fattening burger. I feel like absolute crap this morning though. I feel like I have a hangover. Seriously, and I don't drink at all (of course!). I was sluggish getting out of bed, I was not in a very good mood AT ALL.
Last night I got my clothes ready for work. I put them on this morning and my blouse was HUGE. It was so loose that I had to change my outfit. I was happy about that but mad that I had to change. I wore an outfit that my fat usedd to to bust out of. Now I fit into it very comfortably. I used to have to wear an undershirt, leave the buttons open and wear it sorta like a cardigan because the buttons looked like they were going to BUST any second now.
Anyway, I didn't bother weighing myself this morning. I really thought about my weight this weekend (even before Jack in the Box) and I realized that I need to give more to God. I am going to continue eating right, I am going to begin working out with weights this week (i have a workout plan written down) and intensive cardio every other day. When I say MORE to God, I mean more time during my day to listen to sermons, more time reading the bible. Right now our Family is in dire need to hear from him on a few things when it comes to our spiritual life and I need to drench myself in His Word. My obsession with weight loss this week and maybe next stops for a while. I believe this will help make me stronger in my Faith in this weight loss mission as well.
My spirit is weak and I know who I need to seek. I will continue to take a few minutes each day to plan my meals on Fit Day so I stay on target. I am not weighing myself again until Saturday and I will post my results. God Bless:
"Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed" Proverbs 16:3
Ok so I think that me having PCOS is catching up to me. I have an appointment on 2/9 but now it seems that that's just not soon enough. This week has been particularly hard on me. My insulin resistance has really kicked up a notch. I was extremely good in eating and exercise but I managed to crawl my way up to 207.
This week I have been looking into the symptoms of PCOS on www.SoulCysters.com website because sometimes I am in denial about having PCOS. Unfortuantely my symptoms of more advanced PCOS = ME. I can't believe I have waited this long to address this problem. My hair is falling out a lot more, I am not close to being bald or anything but still. I have not had a period since November, I have been really tired lately, like TIRED TIRED. There are a handful of other symptoms that match to a T. So anyway, I can't wait to go on 2/9.
Today I feel ok, despite what the scale said. I know it's not my eating and I can't do anything about it but keep on eating right and working out. This weekened I am planning on planning my meals on FitDay as well - I usually don't do this but I need to break the habit I have of sorta making weekends more of an "extra eating" days. Sometimes you don't realize how much food you are taking in until you see it in writting.
Last night when I went to church I had a GREAT message that was just SO perfect for me right now. God bless and see below:
"That they might set their hope in God, and not forget the works of God, but keep his commandments:"
Psalm 78:7
Today my goal is to get through the day. I am serioulsy really tired. I feel sorta weak. I have had anemia in the past and I feel the same way I did then. So today I might run out and get some iron pills and start to take them. I have a doctor's appt early next month so I am going to ask them to do the whole check up thing on me.
I started to ask myself...am I not eating enough? Am I working out too much? But I think I am ok. I am going to increase my protein intake just in case. It seems like I am ok during the day but by the time I get home and I am making dinner, I have dizzy spells and can't stand without slouching or leaning on something. It's just weird. Last night I didn't work out because of that. I should of gone to Curves during my lunch but I wanted to sit and have lunch yesterday. So today I will go. I made a yummy lunch last night. I went and bought some Tofu noodles (those shiraki ones) and made some chicken stir fry with it. It's HUGE and I know I probably won't even be able to finish it. I might eat half of it and eat the other half as my snack.
*Sigh* I feel a little down today to be honest. Not sure why either. I think I need like an extra day off from work. I need a break from waking up at 3am. I want to save my vacation time for the summer though. I can't wait for the summer! I miss the 8:30 sundown! I think I may have the "winter blues". It's just so cold and dark all the time! I feel like I should be in bed by 5pm cause it's so dark ya know? I have been falling asleep during our family bible reading at night. Not good. Me writting this out is actually a revelation that I need to take better care of myself. I need to go to bed early and get at least 7 hours of sleep per night. I will talk to my family tonight and make some changes to our weekly schedule. I think they will agree as I have been very BLAH lately....
So yesterday I meant to post I Peter 5:10. I will post it below and it talks about God's Grace.
But the God of all Grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle you.
I look back at this blog and think ok so is this my weight loss blog or is it my spiritual walk with God blog? Well it's both. It's both because I CANNOT do this without His support. I have never been able to come as far as I have and I am still going strong. I know that I am going to get down to my goal of 175. I could not tell you that before and if I would of I knew I was not going to be able to do it. I do have my days where I feel down in the dumps, and feel discouraged because the weight is not coming off fast enough (for me anyway) but I am silly to believe that. I think that falls into my issue with the strength in my Faith. Since 11/2/05 I have lost almost 33 pounds and I have had plenty of free days in between that time. So being where I am right now is a miracle in it's own.
This morning I heard the perfect message. You need FAITH to be a FAITHFUL person and Faithfullness without good works is like a body with no life. I know my faith has grown over the past year but I still need a lot of work in this department. I am going to continue to work on that. People at work look at me and are surprised to see that I am actually a Christian woman. I am a young, silly, hispanic girl and they are surprised when I speak about God and mention that Christ Jesus is Lord Savior, some believe and some do not. I have brought a few people to the Lord working here at Realtor.com recently. I have worked here for almost 5 years and it's the best place to work. No bosses to bully me around. I come to work, do my work on my own and I get to leave at 1:30 in the afternoon. AND I get paid pretty well. My life is full of blessings that are not obvious to the general public, but God reminded me of how blessed I really am.
I am on another level today. I guess God is just working on the spiritual side of me. He sees how discontent I am on days. I need to get closer to Him so He can keep revealing things to me. I need Him to keep moving along and I need to learn to appreciate what has been given to me thus far.
"Love the LORD, all you faithful ones! For the LORD protects those who are loyal to him, but he harshly punishes all who are arrogant".
Psalm 31:23
In my morning drive to work I listen to either a sermon, a program on fundraising for a great cause or to some good christian music. Because I go to a Baptist church, they only listen to traditional old hyms. I love the music but I also love Christian Hip Hop. I guess I don't quite understand why it's "bad" but I do understand it when I hear bad Christian rap. Anyway, I was listening to The Ambassador this morning and could hear the love he has for Christ through his music which he passes on to the listeners.
I am still tired today. I have a little bit of a sore throat. I am going to have to nip that in the butt because I am not trying to get sick again. I feel so bad for Alani. She is so sick. She woke up at 3am this morning. I think my alarm woke her up. I brought her into our bed and hit snooze. She instantly started yelling "daddie, daddie" this X10...or maybe times X30. Then she started to smack him and he woke up and she smiled. She's so friggen cute! She is totally congested and had a fever so I am going to have to call and check on her later.
I got lots to do today, like always. Alexis has an Ortho appt. at 4pm, she has a rash on her hands from who knows what. So I have to try and get her an appt. as well. I think I might take Alani in today sometime too so she can get some antiboitics. She does not sound too good. I am going to go to Curves on my lunch cause this will be my only chance. We will have to wait and see. I will try and remember to take profile pics. I keep forgetting. No weight change this morning. That's always depressing especially after a protein day. We'll see tomorrow.
My eyes have this burning-stingy feeling. Could it be that it's because I didn't get any sleep last. Well that's just part of being a parent and having to take care of your fever plagued children. Alani had to sleep with us last night because she was screaming bloody murder from her room last night. We thought she would sleep a little better with us. That's a negative. So I came in to work late so I could catch some Z's before I drove into work. I'm only going to be here for like 4 hours. I was going to work my full 8 hours but...I only debated about that for like 30 seconds and said "NAH". I am just gonna use my sick time for the 4 hours I missed.
Anyway, today is protein day. Weekend eating was just "OK". I ate Doritos twice. I treated myself to my planned off "diet" dinner BUT then ate a hearty breakfast the following day. I tried to make it healthy, I asked for egg beaters but then my plate had these scrumptious country sliced potatos/hash browns...SO good I could resist. I worked out all weekend. I went to Bally's but I still managed to gain a bit. No sweat I am sure it will "fall off" today since it's the lovely protein day today. Oh joy.
I am almost out of Pria Bars so I am going to search on Ebay so I can buy some more. They are expensive at the store even if they are on sale for .77 each. Anyway...that's it I guess. I am in a tired blah mood but I am sure I will get motivated later when I leave work ;-)
